“I hate girls.” “Girls come with too much
drama.” “Girls are evil, shallow, sneaky, manipulative,
hypocritical and untrustworthy.”
These are only some of the more colorful things I’ve heard
spoken about my fellow women.
I’ve heard milder remarks and I’ve heard more
passionate ones too, but they are most confusing and upsetting when
the speaker of the diatribe is a woman herself.
Maybe because speaking ill of your own group is not taboo, women
feel at ease casting other women as stereotypically petty and
malicious drama queens. And within a group as large as the entire
female sex, chances are you’re going to run into some
stereotypically petty and malicious drama queens.
Real-life experiences make it all the easier for women
themselves to perpetuate this harmful stereotype, even though
it’s almost like fueling a rumor about themselves.
Take fourth-year psychology student Jennifer Pineda, for
example. She’s had so many bad experiences with women she
doesn’t even try anymore. When I told her that I dislike
girls who openly refuse to befriend other girls, she said
matter-of-factly, “Yeah, I’m one of those.”
Apparently, after too many mini-dramas had unfolded in too short
a time span Pineda called it quits and decided to spend time only
with her male friends.
“Girls have a tendency to take things I say way too
personally and create unnecessary drama,” Pineda said.
Laughing, she added, “Or maybe I just have a big
mouth.”
Inside, I was frantic. I thought, “But you’re buying
into a negative stereotype about women that can be used against
you. And not only that ““ you’re promoting it. And not
only that ““ you are a woman!”
As if reading my thoughts, she said, “I mean, I know
I’m not supposed to have this belief, and it’s wrong to
put a label on half of the world. But after I cut girls out of my
life, things have been much easier.”
She has a good point. Ever since grade school, we’ve been
taught that stereotypes are bad and people who perpetuate them
should be punished.
But what happens when your life experience tells you that
certain stereotypes are valid?
During our conversation, Pineda pointed out to me that even
research is on her side.
Studies have shown that adolescent girls are more likely to use
social aggression (such as backbiting and ostracism) than their
male peers.
On the surface this fact may be disappointing, but scratch
deeper and you’ll discover that things are actually more
complicated.
For instance, while it is true that the results of studies show
adolescent girls engage in more social aggression than adolescent
boys, their method of data collection was questionable.
Because it is hard to measure social aggression in a
quantifiable way, research has relied on peer ratings. This means
adolescents are asked to nominate peers for specific indirectly
aggressive behaviors. For example, one study asked, “Who
intrigues behind others’ backs?”
So, if the girls and boys being studied had already gained a
sense of male and female stereotypes, the results would be
skewed.
Knowing that girls are labeled as catty and malicious, peer
ratings would probably favor more female nominations.
Methods aside, other studies have found that male adolescents
use indirect aggression as well. In fact, research with larger
groups of participants has had varied results when attempting to
decipher whether girls really do engage themselves in social
aggression more than boys.
Also, research has shown that the type of interaction and the
context in which it is played out also affects girls’
behavior.
For instance, at school girls begin to form small cliques, a new
social organization that makes it possible to manipulate
relationships. It’s also known that girls verbally mature
faster than boys, another development that facilitates the use of
indirect aggression.
What about adulthood? Research has yet to conclude whether
gender differences in aggression styles exist beyond
adolescence.
However, conventional wisdom would tell you otherwise.
During my sophomore year, I considered joining a sorority but
was constantly affronted by worried looks and remarks.
“Don’t do it ““ you know how girls are.” No
one mentioned the expensive fees and time-consuming schedules.
Fourth-year biochemistry student Brianna Burden is part of a
sorority and would agree with Pineda about women taking things too
personally. But she doesn’t have as strict a policy about
befriending women.
When I asked her if she thought negative stereotypes about women
are justified, she said, “I don’t think it’s OK
to say that about all women. But as with any stereotype, they are
true for some people and not for others.”
And that’s the tricky thing about stereotypes. I’m
sure women who say negative things about other women have had awful
experiences.
But whatever the experience, condemning all women because of it
would be like believing that all Muslims are terrorists, or that
only minorities are welfare recipients, or that all Asians have a
50-pound bag of rice in their pantry.
Moreover, greater credence is given to negative stereotypes
about women when it’s women who are perpetuating them.
People are free to have their own opinions and free to choose
their own friends. But when women badmouth each other, they are
unknowingly choosing to spread a vicious rumor about
themselves.
And knowingly, they are criticizing other women for being petty
and malevolent, hypocritically exhibiting the very characteristics
that are being condemned.
If you want to know if Tao has a 50-pound bag of rice,
e-mail her at atao@media.ucla.edu.