Thursday, January 15, 1998
What to do about Shaq’s feeble attack from the line
COLUMN: O’Neal could use new strategy to end chronic free-throw
bricks
Let me say this up front: I am a Shaquille O’Neal fan.
Well, no, he’s not my favorite player; that would be Eddie
Jones. And, no, he’s not the player I most enjoy watching; that
would be Kobe Bryant.
But, come on, there really can’t be any question who the Lakers’
best player is. At age 25, the Daddy (I love that nickname) is
already one of the top three centers in the game, and he’s only
getting better. So what if he dunks all the time? If no one can
stop him from doing it, then why shouldn’t he take the highest
percentage shot possible?
Even if you hated "Kazaam" (although, why you would have seen it
is beyond me), you have to admit the guy is really freakin’
good.
That being said, one serious problem remains: He needs to learn
to make his God-damn free throws!!!
Anyone who watched the Lakers lose to Charlotte on Sunday night
knows how costly his difficulties at the charity stripe can be for
the team.
With Los Angeles trying to claw its way back down the stretch,
the Hornets went into Hack-a-Shaq mode, quickly fouling him
whenever he touched the ball. But amazingly enough, Shaq couldn’t
convert the free throws, consistently hitting just one of two. On
the night, he finished 8-for-16 and the Lakers lost by five (really
three,as Glenn Rice hit two free throws at the end).
For the season, Shaq’s only shooting 49 percent from the
line.
"We made our free throws at the end," Charlotte coach Dave
Cowens told reporters afterwards. "And then they missed some. The
difference between winning and losing almost every game is free
throws."
Thanks, Dave, I couldn’t have said it better myself.
So, what to do about it?
Over the years, a lot of the blame for Shaq’s free-throw woes
has been placed on the big guy’s various non-basketball endeavors
(the rap albums, the movies, the video games, the action figures),
usually following the argument that these projects take up valuable
off-season time that he should spend practicing.
But this line of reasoning assumes that he would actually
practice. Let’s be honest: Shaq had 20-plus years before he tried
to become a movie/rap star, during which time he obviously didn’t
practice free throws. So why would he do so now?
Instead, why not use these off-the-court ventures to help his
game by forcing him to improve? If these other projects were
slanted toward free-throw shooting, maybe he would have to practice
them.
A couple of ideas: Instead of "Shaq Fu," he could call his next
album "Clanq Two." In addition to Puff Daddy-type covers of "Brick
House" and "White Lines" (retitled "Shooting from the White
Lines"), it could feature such original pieces as the inspirational
"(Hopin’ for) 60 Percent" and the faux-country "I Can Too Hit the
Broad Side of a Barn." The album’s first single, "Please Ball, Help
Me Out," would be a chart-topping smash:
Shaq:
There I’m sittin’ at the line,
With my millions on my mind.
Need ’em both so we can win,
Please, oh please, won’t you go in.
Backup singers:
Please, oh please, won’t you go in.
Please, oh please, won’t you go in.
Think of the hours of practice that would go into just the
shooting of the video. It might take two days of filming for Diesel
to actually make those back-to-back free throws, and just think how
much better he would be then.
This would be even more the case for the movies.
In keeping with the superhero theme of his last film, "Steel,"
Shaq could star in "Drawin’ Iron." The Daddy would play "Swish," a
costumed crusader who, in the movie’s climax, must hit 10
consecutive free throws to save the world from utter destruction.
Similarly, his young sidekick, "And One," played by J.R. Henderson
(a natural Hollywood type, given his flamboyant, extroverted
personality), would have to hit the front end of a one-and-one,
just once, in order to rescue the fabulous Laker Girls.
The only problem is believability. Now, audiences have no
problem buying giant spaceships that destroy the Empire State
Building, and they’ll buy a tyrannosaurus rex rampaging through
downtown San Diego. But, come on: Shaq making 10 in a row? Get
real.
The director would have to be very careful to keep the shot in
frame the entire time, or people would probably think that somebody
off-screen was catching the ball and dropping it in each time.
Even then, a skeptical public would probably just chalk it up to
camera tricks and special effects: If Hollywood can use computers
to work such miracles as making the Titanic sail again, then maybe
they might be able to animate a couple of free throws.
Oh well, if all else fails, the big guy could always rub on that
magic lamp from "Kazaam" and use his final two wishes (his first
one obviously having gone toward his $120 million contract). That’s
perfect: one wish for a ban on the Hack-a-Shaq, and one for another
outbreak of Taco Neck Syndrome.
Kariakin is a fourth-year student. E-mail responses to
sports@media.ucla.edu.
Rob Kariakin