The formula goes something like this: Boy meets girl. Boy falls
in love with girl. Boy gets girl and then it’s church bells,
flower girls, the works.
Enter the Internet. Now it could go something like this: Single
places profile on the Web through an Internet dating service.
Single is matched with other singles. Single “meets”
matches through e-mail, is seduced via Internet messaging medium,
and falls head over laptop for one particular keyboard pal. Then
it’s church bells, flower girls, the works?
Most definitely so. Internet dating has taken off to become the
new singles scene. Dating site eHarmony’s senior research
scientist, Gian Gonzaga, said the site has over 10 million users
and at last estimate led to 17,000 marriages. Matrimony aside,
Gonzaga added, “We don’t have the numbers yet, but
I’m sure there are many, many people who end up in good
relationships too.”
And eHarmony is only the third largest dating site; both
Match.com and Yahoo Personals have even more users. Yet there is
still that stigma doggedly attached to Internet dating, which
rhetorically asks, “What kind of a freak do you have to be to
go online for dates?”
Just last week I met a perfectly normal couple (no webbed hands
or anything) who met through Friendster, an Internet community for
networking. Prior to learning their story, I asked them how they
had met, and when my question was met with jumpy glances and
spurious smiles, I knew the Internet had something to do with
it.
Finally the girl answered, “Through friends,” and
then a full minute later through gritted teeth, “…
-ster.” Her boyfriend’s eyes pleaded,
“Don’t judge me!”
Be embarrassed about not washing your hands after going to the
bathroom and be embarrassed about owning “Bill and
Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” but when it comes to
Internet dating, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Namely, the clientele of dating sites are not freaks. They are
not socially inept Internet junkies who haven’t seen the
light of day. In reality, online daters are just like you and me.
Gonzaga even jested, “The 10 million users of eHarmony
can’t all be weirdos.”
Lyssa Galindo, who graduated fall quarter with a degree in
psychology, met her current boyfriend through Yahoo Personals. At
first, it was her family members who were the most concerned,
worrying that the men online would either be already married or ax
murderers.
Galindo said, “My grandma was like, “˜They could all
just be trying to take advantage of young sweet girls like
you,’ and I was like, “˜Grandma, I’m not that
sweet!'”
And besides, it’s not like people can only hide their
identities when online. In person, married people can easily take
off their rings, and ax murderers can easily leave their axes at
home.
One of the best things about online dating is that it greatly
improves the odds of finding someone with whom you really connect.
In a bar, there may be 100 people you could potentially meet. To
find the person who interests you the most, you’d have to
talk to all of them. On the other hand, online dating allows you to
browse through profiles and only contact people you might actually
want to date.
Gonzaga said, “You have a much better chance of meeting
someone that you will really like.”
But even with all its advantages, the stigma against online
dating is strong. While talking with Galindo, I realized the extent
of my own indoctrination when I wondered, “Why would a girl
like Lyssa ever need to go online to find dates?”
Galindo is the girl-next-door type, friendly and chatty, with
that kind of low-key Rachael Ray charisma. A gal who doesn’t
need help getting dates, and yet even she signed up online. To
that, Galindo said she was hesitant at first to put up a profile
because she didn’t want to be associated with the
stereotypical online single who couldn’t get dates if it
weren’t for the Internet.
But then after perusing her matches on Yahoo Personals, Galindo
pleasantly discovered, “Hey, these people are just like
me!”
Essentially, the stigma of Internet dating is based on the fact
that one gets to know people before actually meeting them in
person. Ironically, this is also the medium’s finest feature.
Messaging and e-mailing are much less intimidating than approaching
your crush in person, which can help you be your normal
not-sweating-bullets self.
Additionally, with sites like BlackSinglesConnection.com and
ChristianMingle.com, online dating has made it easier for a single
to narrow his or her search for that special someone.
Online dating services provide a great new avenue for meeting
mates. True, it’s not traditional, but it’s also not
much different from meeting someone in class or in a bar. You just
get to know people a little better before you actually see them,
and how could that possibly be a bad thing?
Don’t let yourself be fooled by stigmas or stereotypes
because you never know ““ the next person who clicks with you
may only be a mouse click away.
If you met your true love on the Internet, tell Tao about it
at atao@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.