In my free time, I browse random topics on Wikipedia to amuse
myself. It kills two birds with one stone: It wastes time and
sometimes I learn something ““ though the things I learn
usually end up being completely inconsequential (such as the
topography of Tatooine, a fictional planet from “Star
Wars”).
Sometimes I look up television shows on Wikipedia because some
tend to have amusing entries that are obviously written by fans and
because it’s fascinating to see entries for television
characters where they are treated as if they are real people.
So I was browsing the site the other day with the TV on in the
background, and an episode of “CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation” came on. I looked up the show and skimmed
through its entry, when suddenly an anecdote gave me pause.
The entry noted that some have criticized the show for educating
criminals on how to leave a “squeaky clean” crime
scene, dubbed the “CSI effect” by critics. It goes on
to say that the CSI effect has been blamed for criminals taking
precautions like removing shell casings from crime scenes and
wearing condoms during rape so as not to leave DNA evidence.
Another result of the CSI effect is that people have begun to
have unrealistic expectations of forensic science. Apparently
people expect DNA tests in every case, though it is extremely
expensive and not used at the drop of hat. Critics say that people
now also expect DNA tests to take a matter of minutes, but in
reality they can take weeks.
“Defense attorneys also worry about the CSI effect because
they think that jurors come in and have this view of science as a
juggernaut: this objective method that’s always
accurate,” said Max Houck, director of the Forensic Science
Initiative at West Virginia University to BBC News last year.
If it makes these critics feel any better, watching these crime
shows has derailed the aspirations of one future criminal:
myself.
Watching “CSI” does not make me any more confident
in my ability to commit a crime. In fact, it frightens me.
No, not in the sense that I feel unsafe, though “Law &
Order” has convinced me that if I walk around in Central
Park, I will be raped, sacrificed in a Santeria ritual, attacked by
a Rottweiler, or perhaps all three at the same time. These shows
frighten me in that I can’t even think about doing anything
wrong, because the detectives will find me and I’ll go to
prison.
I’m generally stupefied at some of the ways that criminals
get caught on these shows. I’ve seen episodes where
fingerprints are pulled from inside latex gloves or where imprints
of shoes are lifted off pavement and then matched to a specific
brand of shoe. The second point is particularly crazy. You go out
of your way to get the perfect shoes to wear when you commit a
murder and get caught because of your own carefully chosen
footwear.
Nothing is more intimidating, however, than hair and fiber
evidence. Routinely on these shows, an investigator will pull a
single strand of hair or a piece of fiber from a crime scene and
use it to find the murderer. Criminals always leave evidence,
without knowing it.
I honestly believe the only way to get away with a murder would
be to cover yourself in Saran Wrap and to wear shoes without any
tread. Even then, you’d look pretty suspicious walking around
encased in plastic. Plus they’d catch you anyway because of a
slight change in air composition due to plastic wrap being present
in the room with a humidity level of 85 percent or … well, you
get the idea. You’re going to get caught. Gil Grissom, Bobby
Goren and Olivia Benson will make sure you do, because it’s
their life’s mission.
By the way, is anyone else tired of female characters in crime
shows who are described as having no personal life because they are
so consumed by their profession? Dana Scully, Catherine Willows,
Sara Sidle, Olivia Benson, Samantha Spade … this is the most
overused character trait since the “wacky
neighbor.”
The point here is that shows like “CSI” do give
unrealistic expectations of forensic science, but that
doesn’t really matter.
Like Houck pointed out, it’s not uncommon for people
watching these shows to view science as a “juggernaut.”
And in a way, this is the most effective crime deterrent of
all.
So relax, university police. You don’t have to worry about
me going on a murder spree. After all, would someone with hair like
mine ever be able to get out of a crime scene without leaving a
strand behind?
If you’re as disgusted with this season’s
splitting of the “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”
cast as Humphrey is, e-mail him at
mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.