It is hard to define what sex addiction is, especially since
many people think it’s just a joke, a euphemism for a big sex
drive. But for people actually suffering from sex addiction, it is
an obsessive compulsion, something powerful and destructive that
can necessitate the frequenting of prostitutes and ruin marriages.
Such is the case of UCLA alumnus Caveh Zahedi, whose new film
“I Am a Sex Addict,” to be screened by Melnitz Movies
tonight, deals, as the title would suggest, with his own
addiction.
Though he is now recovered, Zahedi says that sex addiction was a
controlling force over his life after college graduation. Having
studied philosophy at Yale, Zahedi idealistically conceived of
romantic relationships, insisting that monogamy was not a natural
way to live, and with work, jealousy could be transcended.
The film documents how, though initially agreeing, his
girlfriends, wives and Zahedi himself ultimately failed. In
addition, the film follows the ill effects of Zahedi’s
prostitute fetish: the initial acceptance, the waning tolerance,
the ultimate frustration and impatience.
The film itself is innovative and experimental. It is almost
like a documentary as it is strictly autobiographical. Zahedi even
asked his real ex-girlfriends and wives to play themselves, though
none agreed.
Nonetheless, they are introduced through clips of home movies.
Zahedi wanted to ground his film in reality because it is easy to
see a film and think that it’s just a story.
“(Using the clips) was just a way to kind of remind people
that this all really happened,” he said.
Of addiction in general, it is said that the more something is
denied, the more one wants it. This argument is used in the case
for decriminalizing currently illegal drugs and also explains why
sex is so intriguing, especially in this country.
Rebecca Lord, a French adult-film actress who plays
Zahedi’s first wife Caroline in the film, reinforced that
point.
“Because there is too much restriction, we want to see and
sometimes we are more attracted to something we don’t
know,” she said. “If people tell you, “˜It’s
bad, it’s bad, it’s bad,’ then you want to see it
more.”
According to both Zahedi and Lord, sex in this country is
prominently considered taboo. Lord, a native of France, and Zahedi,
who lived there while married to his first wife, have experienced
the way sex functions in French society and compared it to its role
in U.S. society.
“While (French media) is still to an extent doing the same
thing that the American media is doing, it is doing it less
puritanically; it’s a little more natural about the
body,” Zahedi said.
Though American society might never be able to escape its roots,
some cities, like San Francisco, are much more open to sexual
issues, including sex addiction, Lord said. Incidentally, that is
where Zahedi lives.
Lord noted that one direct consequence of the puritanical
restriction on sex in the U.S. is the booming sex industry.
“The sex industry over here in Europe is very small
compared to the industry in America ““ meaning there is more
need in the United States,” she said.
Emily Morse, a documentary filmmaker and radio talk-show host
who plays Christa, another of Zahedi’s girlfriends, refused
to give Zahedi a blow job for one of the scenes. Though Morse knew
beforehand that this was in the script, when it came time to shoot,
she decided not to go through with it.
“There are a lot of blow jobs; there are gratuitous
oral-sex scenes in the movie and I didn’t think one would
make a difference, and when it came down to it, I didn’t feel
comfortable portraying that,” she said.
This struggle was frustrating at first, said Zahedi, but it
became one of his favorite scenes and certainly one of the most
interesting in the film, not only because of its realism, but
because of its portrayal of the real-life struggle with sex in a
relationship.
Because of the honesty of the film, Zahedi hopes that it will
help others with problems similar to his.
“I think the overriding reason (for making the film) was I
wanted to help other sex addicts and I felt like having somebody
come out and say, “˜I am a sex addict and this is what
happened to me,’ is a very helpful thing for people who are
going through a similar experience,” he said.