Editor’s note: The author of this submission has been left anonymous to protect their safety and privacy.
I am a UCLA Bruin. I cheer my lungs out at the Rose Bowl, sit next to you in lecture halls, lift weights at the John Wooden Center and take naps in Powell Library. I’m just like any other undergraduate. But I also have a secret: During my first year at UCLA, I was raped by a fellow student.
As a victim (survivor) of sexual assault, I have received wonderful care from the university. While the government could not help me because of the extreme difficulty in bringing a sexual assault case to fruition, UCLA has provided me with the psychological services and due process I need. I have reported the crime through the dean of students, and was among the fortunate ones to have the university validate and protect me.
But this all happened behind closed doors. I have chosen to keep this extremely personal endeavor silent to all but my closest friends and family. However, this has also shown me the ugly demon that is rape culture: Without knowing they are insulting my past and my struggle to my face, I have experienced many friends and peers marginalize rape victims and defy a more equal system for victims of assault. I again became a victim to a second assault that reopened the wounds I have worked hard to heal.
From the beginning, it was clear I would not be met with belief and support from all of my friends. When I told a friend of mine I had been raped the week of the assault, his first question was, “Are you sure you don’t just regret it?” I have been met with judgment for reporting my assault to the school, as if defending my rights as a student was as bad as the assault itself. I have been told if a woman cries, a panel will agree she is a victim despite any given evidence to the contrary. I have been told that the university does not follow the idea “innocent until proven guilty” for sexual misconduct crimes and does not allow accused rapists to have representation as alleged victims do (both false).
We live in a rape culture. There’s no denying that stigma still exists for survivors of sexual assault. It is as if by sharing one of the most personal and painful moments in his or her life, a sexual assault survivor becomes privy to the public questioning his or her sanity and character. A victim should not have to fight for relevancy while fighting for protection. Yes, an accused rapist should be innocent until proven guilty, but this does not mean that a rape victim should be guilty until proven innocent.
It’s not Greek life’s fault. It’s not the Undergraduate Students Association Council’s fault. It’s not UCLA Athletic’s fault. And it’s not “society’s” fault. That’s the worst of all the excuses. I hate when people blame things on “society.” Society doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It is made up of human beings. Society is us. When you blame something on society, you are blaming it on yourself. Rape culture exists because we let it exist.
From my sexual assault, I have been twice a victim: First, by my perpetrator, and second, by rape culture, which downplays the seriousness of rape and tacitly accepts victim-blaming. Rape culture will continue to be a problem unless people consciously make a decision to reject it. Recognize that a victim could be your child, sister, brother, friend or even you. You may be in one of the darkest points in your life, looking for a lifeline to support and comfort you and be first met with doubt and even hostility.
Most people do not intend to be a problem. But not enough people are intending to be a solution. From Bruin to Bruin, I ask of you to make an effort to be a solution.