Long before my stepmom knew that I wasn’t “into” girls – come to think of it, long before even I knew I wasn’t “into” girls – she took me to a park one day and said she wanted to have a talk. I was in my very early teens and could guess what kind of “talk” she wanted to have. There was absolutely nothing that gave me more dread or embarrassment.
We found a picnic table to sit at in a secluded, quiet area of the park. She asked if I knew why we were here and I begrudgingly said that yes, I did.
Trying not to make direct eye contact, I fixed my gaze on the playground where children traversed rope bridges, slid down slides, ran around and shouted with sheer and simple joy. Miles seemed to separate the playground from where I sat with my stepmom. She started speaking and I wished I could switch places with one of those kids on the playground.
But to my surprise, she spoke not about sex, but about love.
She asked if I knew or understood what love was. Young as I was, I hadn’t the slightest notion of who, why, how, when or what love was. I was a teenage boy, concerned only with maintaining a masculine, tough and independent image. There was no room for love or emotions or feelings in that equation.
She explained, in as simple of terms as possible, that love is unparalleled. Love should not be complicated or unclear. Love both allows and requires you to let go of any inhibitions. Without love in your life, she said, you are missing out. She recounted her initial interactions with my dad and how she felt and still feels about him. She told me that one day, I will meet someone and that I will know – with all of my heart – that I’ve met someone I truly love. She knew her advice wasn’t immediately applicable or even rational to me, but I think her goal was that it would eventually make sense.
Many years later, I became a student at UC Berkeley. I began to explore the dating scene, both online (yes, I’ll admit it) and on and around campus. I went on dates with quite a number of guys. Even if it wasn’t the case, I always felt the need to reciprocate if someone else “liked me.” I did have a few crushes, but nothing ever really panned out.
After my third year at Cal, having had no luck with love, I decided to take a break from the dating scene. Or so I thought.
On June 23, 2012, my luck changed forever. That evening, along the packed streets of the Castro District in San Francisco, I met a guy by the name of John Joanino.
Interestingly enough, I had known of him for a long time. More than a year before we met, he and I both happened to attend the executive slate debate run by the Associated Students of the University of California at Cal. He sat in the row right in front of mine and my eyes kept going back and forth between him and the debate. I wanted to introduce myself, but nerves and not knowing if I was his type held me back. Little did I know he had asked a mutual friend what my name was.
Fortunately, we did end up meeting. And while dancing together that night in June, I knew I had found someone special.
That night, we stayed up until 4 a.m. just talking and asking each other questions. We discovered our same taste in music, out of which arose our Erykah Badu Pandora station. After that, I wasn’t sure when or if I would ever see him again. I was even less sure if he would be interested in staying in touch. As it happens, we texted or emailed or G-chatted or video chatted or called every single day after. Even when John was in the Philippines and New York for several weeks over summer, we never failed to keep each other updated.
One month into the school year, we became official. Boyfriends. It was something that we both hinted at for a long time, but waited to do in person. We also said “I love you” for the first time, without the guise of the digits “143” (which is an abbreviation for “I love you” that was popularized by one of Musiq Soulchild’s songs).
We will soon be celebrating our eight-month anniversary later this month. He inspires me, supports me, challenges me, makes me smile and laugh and makes me feel like the most special, lucky guy in the world.
As I think back to that day in the park with my stepmom, her words about love couldn’t make any more sense.
John Joanino, I love you with all of my heart. You’re the best boyfriend and valentine that I could ever ask for.
Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.
Sean Drimmel is a fourth-year business administration student at UC Berkeley.
Nice reminder of what this day is all about.