I’m sitting in my apartment late Sunday night, pondering life, love and UCLA basketball.
C’est la vie.
The task of constructing a narrative for this year’s team is proving rather difficult ““ so many new parts, so many enigmas, so many unanswered questions.
Thankfully, I have a little help.
A friend of mine, who will remain nameless, begins to tell a story that goes something like this: seems like this friend was testing out a newly-learned self-defense technique, a move that would prepare her to combat whatever misfortune might appear.
In demonstrating said technique, however, this friend not only broke free from the “attacker,” but also punched herself in the face. In Pokémon terms, the friend was hit with recoil.
Come to think of it, the story’s not a bad analogy at all for this UCLA team. These Bruins are talented enough to have a great season and they have the right techniques in hand to do battle with just about anybody.
Their only potential undoing?
Punching themselves in the face in the process. We’ve seen it happen once already, in their season-opening loss to Loyola Marymount last Friday.
No offense to the Lions, but Loyola Marymount is to UCLA what I am to Ernest Hemingway.
The only chance I’d ever have of out-writing Hemingway would be if he punched himself in the face and was knocked out during the writing process (OK, bad parallel. That’s actually a likely scenario).
A roster boasting Joshua Smith, Reeves Nelson, the Wear twins, Lazeric Jones, Jerime Anderson, Tyler Lamb, De’End Parker and Norman Powell is well-equipped enough to win on any given night against just about every team in the country.
A roster boasting Joshua Smith, Reeves Nelson, the Wear twins, Lazeric Jones, Jerime Anderson, Tyler Lamb, De’End Parker and Norman Powell ““ boy are there a lot of interesting personalities in there ““ is also well-equipped enough to punch itself in the face.
Token Movie Comparison
In looking for a somewhat relatable way to describe the UCLA football team earlier this fall, I chose to compare the gridiron Bruins to the Michael Bay film “Pearl Harbor.” It was a popular idea, and by that I mean I enjoyed doing it.
“Self,” I remarked to myself, “what’s the cinematic equivalent of this Bruin BASKETBALL team?”
The answer hits me over the head like a Russell Westbrook dunk.
Sitting on my end table is a LEGO Star Wars advent calendar. Just a few hours earlier, a Star Wars movie had been playing in our apartment. My landlord is sometimes eerily similar to Jabba the Hutt. All signs.
This version of the UCLA basketball team is the Star Wars prequels, the three films released in the last dozen years that were intended to supplement the original trilogy.
For one, the new films had BIG shoes to fill.
We’re talking about one of the greatest cinematic series of all-time, and you’re trying to build off of that? Bold move.
I think it’s pretty obvious where the parallels lie with the UCLA basketball program: John Wooden’s Bruins won 10 NCAA championships, the program added another title in 1995, and even as recently as the early 21st century the Bruins made three consecutive Final Fours.
The prequels had a proven leader: George Lucas, who oversaw the originals, back on board to direct the new films. Similarly, UCLA is still guided by coach Ben Howland, who was the director of the three Final Fours in the last decade … his original trilogy.
But the prequels were greeted with a mixed bag. Criticisms of the acting and the storytelling abounded. It had moments both memorable and forgettable.
One of the biggest problems? No Han Solo, the best and most human character of the originals. Instead, in the prequels, we get an overload of sickeningly dogmatic Jedi and overtly evil people. No likable ruffian, no X factor.
That could be the missing piece from this year’s UCLA team ““ who’s the Arron Afflalo, the Darren Collison? Those are the guys that held their teams together.
Somebody, anybody, needs to fill that role on this year’s squad: the likable, reliable leader with just enough swagger, who can be counted on to save the day and who, at the end of said day, gets the girl.
Game I’m Most Excited About
You can’t beat the Maui Invitational, not for early-season drama, not for elite competition, not for the most surfing done by sportswriters that doesn’t involve the Internet.
UCLA has a chance to face the likes of Kansas and Duke, and it’s a prime stage to make an early statement.
The Bruins have a fun schedule: Maui, a home game against Texas and a trip to Madison Square Garden to face St. John’s.
Nothing would beat a Maui Invitational championship showdown with Duke. It’d be a whale of a game.
If you think the movie equivalent of his columns is “Dumb and Dumber,” email Eshoff at reshoff@media.ucla.edu.