I recently had the unique and invigorating experience of standing over the sink and expunging soap and leftover morsels from my beard.
It was a profound phenomenon that I hope you all get to experience someday, men and women alike. Since April 14, I have treated my razor like Lawrence Taylor treats the Ten Commandments: complete and utter abandonment.
Playoff beards are a rite of passage for those associated with professional hockey, fans included. As long as your team remains alive in the NHL postseason, you are mandated (all right, encouraged) to support your team by refraining from shearing your facial follicles.
My own stubble falls somewhere between “The Karl Marx” and “The Che Guevara” on the facial fuzz spectrum, so let your imaginations wander. The mug shot of me that drew you into this article in the first place is now somewhat of a false representation.
There is no established or accepted reason behind this tradition, but that in itself is irrelevant. Superstitions are as much a part of sports as scoring, balls and cheerleaders. Generally, these sporting superstitions take the form of routines or practices that coaches or players abide by religiously, presuming that they are experiencing some level of success.
In no game is superstition more important than baseball, where fiddling with equipment choices, talking at the correct times, and unwritten rules are all commonplace.
If you show up for a Saturday baseball game that involves UCLA, it’s easy to mistakenly think that the Bruins have suddenly garnered green alternate uniforms. That’s because sophomore starting pitcher Trevor Bauer sports a hat that looks like it was recently fished out of the Dead Sea.
Maybe the best aspect of Bauer’s hat ““ a topper of sweat and grime that he’s worn since before he arrived in Westwood ““ is that he doesn’t really view it as a superstition.
“It’s not good luck, it’s not really a routine really, or anything like that,” Bauer said. “I get one, and if it fits I stick with it. It takes who knows how long to get the stupid corners right on one of these things.”
It makes sense that comfort should be what dictates these tendencies. On the field of competition, being at an optimal level of ease is imperative. Is it safe to say that Bauer’s particular superstition is that he tries to avoid having superstitions? That’s a new one.
Not to say that the hard-throwing right-hander hasn’t come across his fair share of fetishes throughout his career in baseball clubhouses. Fellow starting pitcher Gerrit Cole shaved his mustache after the Bruins’ 22-game winning streak ended; shortstop Niko Gallego buzzed his hair in an effort to snap a losing skid.
“There’s some crazy ones out there,” Bauer said. “Guys that put their left sock on, then their right, then take their left off and put it back on again, guys that eat the same exact meal before every game. There’s some weird ones out there.”
Whether it be as simple as rejecting your razor or as complex as ensuring that you have consistent culinary customs, most individuals are acutely aware of their own tendencies. The only way you’re permitted to break from tradition is if you’re faced with failure that merits a dramatic need for some reverse voodoo, or “oodoov.”
This time of year is a perfect coalescence of all things superstition.
Baseball season is in full swing, which means riffs over whether or not it’s proper etiquette for a player to step over the pitchers’ mound. We’re in the heart of the NHL playoffs, so that Montreal Canadiens fan sitting next to you in lecture looks like he’s on his way to an Abe Lincoln-themed costume party (assuming Montreal natives know who that is).
And of course, final exams are looming, so South Campus students are scouring for rabbits’ feet, four-leaf clovers and Lucky Charms cereal.
Here’s to hoping that my beard endures and that Bauer wears his hat until it deteriorates on his head during a game. I sincerely need for the former to happen, as it seems I’ve lost my razor. Maybe the leprechauns took it.
If your routine is to skip his column and go straight to the crossword puzzle, e-mail Eshoff at reshoff@media.ucla.edu.