From the ages of 18 to 22, it feels like a lifetime has passed. An overexposure to everything from love and sex to rules and grades has left me with a degree in life.
Heading into my last college summer without a grown-up career or internship to fill the hot days ahead of me, I have been reflecting back on all that UCLA taught me outside the classroom or lecture hall.
The first piece of knowledge I will leave you with is to always wear sunscreen. No, I’m not plagiarizing from the famous class of 1999 high school commencement speech; I’m actually speaking from experience.
I chose to take advantage of the L.A. sunshine, and one day I spent at Sunset Canyon Recreation Pool turned into an evening in the emergency room with sun poisoning, one of the most unpleasant diagnoses I’ve ever received. Nowadays you can’t catch me outdoors without my SPF 30.
As far as boys go, I’ve discovered that what really skews your perception of a potential relationship is the opinions of other people.
Athletes tend to get a bad rap around this campus when it comes to relationships.
I have advised in the past to stay away from all of them, but that is no longer the case. Now, the best piece of advice I can give is to simply be observant, just like you should be with any guy or girl.
For example, if a certain sports player takes a little too much pride in his blue backpack or can’t sleep with a girl without high fives from his teammates or gained status quickly (through, say, a game-winning touchdown), he will likely want to enjoy the benefits of that status without much attachment.
The main reason athletes gain a bad reputation at this school is because people don’t believe them when they state what they are looking for. You cannot expect exclusivity when no one has verbally committed.
With the exception of the few who are the girlfriend type and the few who are deceptively manipulative, most male athletes ““ and men in general ““ are straightforward when they are just looking for something casual. We women just tend not to listen.
Women keep looking for the mixed messages and underlying signals that just don’t exist. Men are simple; they mean what they say.
If we stop forcing our ideals on men, we will stop being disappointed.
If you want something serious, don’t stick around with a guy who wants something casual, thinking he will change his mind once he falls in love with you. Men and women have two completely separate concepts of love.
However, if you are OK with casual relationships, be safe and march ahead. College is really the last place where you will have the opportunity to experiment and walk away.
I should also mention, however, to branch outside the Westwood bubble, whether that be just a few steps to Brentwood and Santa Monica or 20 miles to the other end of the city. Dating at UCLA has a tendency to become a bit incestuous.
Related to the topic of looking for love while having sex is sexual health. I’ve heard quite a few negative things about the Ashe Center. I’ve experienced in person the difficulty of obtaining an appointment or the three weeks of blood tests and waiting to hear the nurse practitioner tell you that you have a cold.
But trust me, what they lack in general health care, they more than make up for in sexual health information.
You should get tested more often than you think you need to, especially if you aren’t exclusive with partners.
The Ashe Center quickly identifies anything you may have contracted and begins you on the treatment regimen right away. Furthermore, if you are a SHIP beneficiary, birth control is available for very affordable prices, especially generic brands.
Lastly, take advantage of office hours. This piece of advice really doesn’t belong in the love, sex and relationships column of the Daily Bruin, but I wish someone had told me this ““ and made me really believe it ““ when I was a freshman.
Even if you leave a professor’s or TA’s office with only a slightly better grasp on what you went in to ask, at the very least you will have put a face to your name. And remember, there is no such thing as objective grading.
In all honesty, though, if you have yourself a supply of condoms and a bottle of sunblock, you are pretty much the most prepared you can possibly be for life at UCLA. And truth be told, I wouldn’t change a thing about my college experience, except maybe the sun poisoning.
Suffer from a sun allergy
E-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.