The fact that spring tends to bloom young love in addition to flowers really pisses me off.
You may assume I hate the idea because I’m a cold-hearted cynic, but I actually hate the timing of spring for a completely different reason: It’s just too close to summer.
In college, summer means freedom from books and lectures. But this separation from school implies a spatial separation as well. Those who succumb to the mushy grasp of spring romance get their hearts ripped apart by the long arm of distance.
The average long-distance relationship actually lasts longer than most assume. Eight percent of long-distance relationships last over a year, but this certainly does not measure up the 25 percent of proximal relationships lasting the same amount of time.
Surprisingly, there are almost 7 million couples who categorize themselves as in a long-distance relationship including those who are married, engaged or in some way committed, according to the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships.
I’ve always had the observational perspective: an outside single girl looking in on long-distance couples. But now, I find myself filled with fear as I must move to the “in” crowd.
I’ll be moving to San Francisco this summer to attend UC Hastings College of the Law while my guy will be jet-setting to the Big Apple to pursue his tap dancing career. The space numerically clocks out at around 2,900 miles.
I find myself literally counting down the days until my guy and I will have to venture to different ends of the country. I’m struggling with simultaneous feelings of pride, anger and sadness. The move is always at the back of my mind.
Researchers say that the most difficult part of a long-distance relationship is maintaining the feeling that you are a part of your companion’s life.
There is something intangible that develops in a couple that shares routine aspects of a day together.
Whether it’s eating dinner or watching the same program on the same television, being miles apart hinders these activities from helping a bond grow and can contribute to a disconnected feeling.
In terms of intimacy, distance will never impair the sharing of emotions if they are truly embedded within the relationship.
However, seemingly mundane experiences are actually the strongest contributors to an emotional bond.
Researchers at the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships offer several pieces of advice for survival.
First, stay optimistic. Despite the connotation that distance brings to relationships, the statistics are not all that horrible. Furthermore, every couple has its own individual strengths.
Second, re-learn how to be intimate in non-physical ways. Take advantage of e-mail, snail mail, telephone, Skype, cameras and every other wonder that technology has to offer.
Next, recognize that some things must be said. Many distance couples cherish the time they get to spend together and don’t want to spoil it with arguments or intense discussions, but a healthy relationship, regardless of distance, must be able to conquer these obstacles.
Subsequently, don’t isolate yourself. Recognize that the two of you are realistically leading separate lives.
Do not attempt to maintain your relationship by creating an alternate reality where only the two of you exist.
Also, expect disappointment. If the last trip you got to spend with your significant other was rough, don’t assume that sums up the entire state of your relationship. Ups and downs are more pronounced with distance, but they occur in every relationship and it’s possible to work through them.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, learn the art of long-distance sex.
Despite the wonders of webcam, long-distance couples have the opportunity to re-experience the honeymoon phase at every reunion, fulfilling intense sexual fantasies built up through anticipation during their time apart.
Overall, there are no official rules in a long-distance relationship, just like there aren’t in proximal relationships. It seems that couples that are meant to be stay together regardless of distance, time, friends, family or any other hurdle.
I’ve decided to trust the workings of karma in my case. Whatever is meant to be, will be.
And in the meantime, I have a wonderful reason to fly to Manhattan as often as I want.
Feel strongly about airports? Then e-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.