Once in a while, it’s cool when your school takes a year off from the NFL Draft.
This weekend, it was UCLA’s turn. Seven rounds, 256 players drafted, and none from Westwood. (Three former Bruins did sign free agent contracts following the draft, however. Patrick Cowan with the Saints, Kahlil Bell with the Vikings and Brigham Harwell with the Redskins).
It was only the second time since the AFL-NFL merger that UCLA has been shut-out on draft day. There’s nothing really wrong with that ““ it’s got more to do with a small senior class than anything else.
But still, nobody?
That’s ok though. Instead of worrying all weekend about where a handful of Bruins might fall, there was plenty to watch. The following is a retro-diary of Saturday’s action:
1:00 p.m.: Ahh, the sight of Mel Kiper’s face behind a draft table. It’s been too long.
1:05 p.m.: With the first pick of the draft, the Detroit Lions select Matthew Stafford. No surprise here as Stafford and Detroit had already agreed to a 6-year, $72 million deal with $41.7 million of that cheese guaranteed.
Sweet self-psych strategy by the Lions here ““ maybe if they pay him like a Hall of Famer, he’ll play like one. People say you get what you pay for but this is genius, really.
Stafford looks kind of happy to be a multi-millionaire but a lot more like he’s thinking, “˜Crap, this is actually happening.’ I guess signing with the Lions will do that to a guy.
I’ve seen that “I-can’t believe-I’m-doing-this” face one place before: Nicolas Cage for two hours in “The Rock.” Does that make the Detroit Lions football’s Alcatraz?
1:14 p.m.: Steve Young is ranting about how teams look for the guys who really, honestly, sincerely love playing football. He says something about how this league will chew you up and spit you out if you don’t love the game like it’s your own mother.
I think he’s about to pull a Tom Cruise.
(Ok, we get it Steve. You love football. Now get off the table and put your shirt back on.)
1:39 p.m.: The Cleveland Browns trade their No. 5 spot to the Jets for later-round picks. New York grabs former USC quarterback Mark Sanchez.
This is a win-win situation for everybody. Jets fans, the biggest self-haters in the NFL, get to boo the pick because of Sanchez’s inexperience (16 career starts); the former Trojan will be thrown to the New York media wolves if he so much as picks his nose in the huddle; on top of that, USC coach Pete Carroll gets plenty of egg on his face for saying Sanchez’s value wasn’t high enough to leave early.
2:00 p.m.: With the seventh overall pick, the Raiders pass on All-Big 12, All-American, all-everything wide receiver Michael Crabtree (and every other recognizable player) with their selection of Maryland’s Darrius Heyward-Bey.
I pick up my jaw from off the floor and three things instantly come to mind: one, who’s Darrius Heyward-Bey? Two, has Raiders owner/General Manager Al Davis lost his mind? And three: Crabtree to the ‘Niners! Crabtree to the ‘Niners!
2:12 p.m.: Crabtree to the ‘Niners! Celebratory texting ensues. My dad’s response? “Sounds like a good pick. Didn’t know they had ESPN in the library.”
Maybe disclosing my midterm schedule was a bad idea but ESPN in the library is intriguing. Senior class gift anyone?
2:46 p.m.: The Washington Redskins pick Brian Orakpo, a 6-foot, 3-inch, 263-pound defensive end from Texas. This in itself isn’t too significant but the jersey that he’s holding up is downright laughable. It appears to be a child’s medium.
3:05 p.m.: The Browns trade their pick again for more picks later. Maybe they just don’t want anybody.
3:14 p.m.: For the third time in the first round, its Cleveland’s turn and they do what nobody saw coming. They trade their pick. Again. Cleveland now has 11 third-round selections and as many sixth-rounders as they can name in a minute.
Somewhere in the second round: Chris Berman looks so hungry that he’s getting me hungry. I contemplate trading my second round pick for more food later, but at only $7 I had to pull the trigger. I select a Stettler’s Choice from Socko’s.
5:23 p.m.: The Raiders are up again. This should be interesting. Here comes the announcement and … Michael Mitchell! The No. 70-something safety from the University of Ohio that absolutely no one has ever heard of.
The camera pans back to the table of commentators and shows Berman scanning the NFL Draft guide for any information on Mitchell.
ESPN doesn’t have his height or weight, much less any video on the guy.
Al Davis is losing his sanity on live television one pick at a time.
6:05 p.m.: Five former USC players have already been drafted and not one UCLA guy like Cowan or Harwell is on anyone’s radar. Doesn’t really bother me though.
We’ve still got free agency.
E-mail Feder at jfeder@media.ucla.edu if you too were temporarily blinded by Michael Crabtree’s watch.