This is my last quarter at UCLA.
To those of you who know that I’m a second-year, this doesn’t make any sense. But it’s true. This is my last quarter at UCLA ““ at least for the next year, all of which I’ll be spending abroad in Spain.
Whenever I tell people that I am going abroad for a year, they get really excited:
“That’s so tight!”
“What a great experience!”
“Oh my gosh, you’re going to find a Spanish lover!”
“Wow, you’re going to party so hard!”
Although all of these things are, of course, true ““ hey, I can dream about the Spanish lover, all right? ““ the people I tell about my plans are generally more excited than I am. When I think about all the amazing people I am leaving behind, my enthusiasm for adventure is quickly overwhelmed with a spinning feeling akin to those scenes in movies when the camera spins really fast around a character that’s about to jump through dimensions.
I went through a phase during which I wanted to back out of going to Spain because I thought I couldn’t handle leaving the friends I’ve made here. However, something my friend recently said to me calmed me down: “You’re either compelled, or you’re not.”
It sounds simple, but it’s the best advice I have ever gotten for understanding relationships. If someone means enough to you, you will find a way to keep them in your life. It’s as simple as that.
Think back to the friends you had in high school. Going off to college didn’t ruin friendships; it weeded out who you actually cared about staying in contact with.
Justin Eng, a fourth-year biochemistry student set to graduate this spring, said his success at keeping in touch with his real friends from high school has made him less nervous about leaving people he knew at UCLA.
“I mean, I’ll put in an effort to stay connected to those that I really want to stay in touch with,” he said.
We live in a generation with a plethora of technology that enables communication, and there is always a chance, at some point in the day, to take a couple of minutes to send a “hello” or an update to those that matter most. We don’t have time for everyone, but our innate feelings dictate whom we choose to incorporate in the time we do have.
Yoko Okura, an exchange student from Keio University in Tokyo, has been spending her year abroad here at UCLA. She said she has been successful in keeping in contact with her friends from home, thanks to mutual effort and Miki, a “Japanese version of Facebook.”
“The people who matter most you will sustain friendships with no matter where you are,” she said.
In college, we are constantly surrounded by people with whom we have many different levels of friendships and connections. Changes such as going abroad or graduating separate us from constant easy interaction, but we are compelled to find a way to stay involved with those we truly care about.
The concept of being compelled applies to romantic relationships, too. Some people complain about not wanting to “have to” do things for their significant other. If you’re in a good relationship, doing things for the other person is not an obligation, it’s a desire. If someone makes you feel compelled enough, you will figure out how to make the relationship successful.
All relationships take work, but it shouldn’t feel like work. We are naturally driven to give our most positive and solid relationships the effort they require.
The hardest part about this concept is being able to accept when you or the other person are not compelled. Although this can be immensely disappointing, it is part of the ebb and flow of relationships throughout life. It is easier said than done, but we have to accept that we can’t force others to be compelled. Sorry ’bout it.
It’s not exciting to realize that there are plenty of lovely people in my life whom I will not be compelled to stay in touch with when I am away, and the inverse is also true. But that’s part of growing up.
It’s not as simple as reasoning, “What’s meant to happen will happen,” but the idea that, “What you’re compelled to make happen will happen” makes a lot of sense to me.
I will Skype those who are truly important in my life as soon as I am settled in Madrid. Oh, and I’ll e-mail a picture of my Spanish lover ASAP.
If you are compelled to be friends, then e-mail Alyssa Bricklin at abricklin@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.