Last week, my boyfriend asked me for a stamp. The next day, he asked me for my zip code, claiming he wanted to look up the nearest Yoshinoya Beef Bowl restaurant to my apartment.
Three days later, I received a letter addressed from my boyfriend to me ““ with a very recognizable stamp ““ that turned out to be a two-page handwritten letter listing reasons why he loved me.
Now before you turn your head and throw up in the nearest receptacle, I must let you all know that he was trying to make up for a monstrous mistake he’d made a couple weeks earlier.
I have this uncanny ability to eventually find out anything about my significant other. Some may call it stalking, but after being cheated on multiple times, I call it being safe. In this case, I came across an exchange of text messages between my guy and an old flame of his that were hardly PG.
He realized the disastrous effect this could have had on our relationship, and did whatever he could to make it up to me.
Nobody is perfect, but I think the main difference between being a good girlfriend or boyfriend is knowing how to make your words work wonders for you. As it turns out, my boyfriend had figured out a way to make his words ““ the same words he said to me in person after he screwed up ““ mean so much more. Some call this talent romance.
Our generation is desensitized to pickup lines, apologies and, in some cases, the meaning behind the words, “I love you.” This can be attributed to the loss of the traditional date, the introduction of dating Web sites or even the simple fact that people tend to pair up later in life.
Regardless of the reason, spoken words just don’t seem to cut it anymore. The next best thing is writing those words down.
The classic love letter need not travel hundreds of miles to hold the same amount of weight. The fact that my guy slapped a stamp on something that easily could have been delivered the next time he saw me just shows more effort on his part and how much he values me. (Although, maybe next time getting his own stamp would prove my worth just that much more.)
Of course, your words are not the only ones that can help or hurt a relationship. Listening to your partners and remembering what they said will help both parties in the long run. I’m not advocating that you hang on their every word, but picking up a few important details will score you major points.
For example, think about how difficult it can be to think of the perfect gift for your girlfriend or boyfriend. Had you been listening six months earlier, you may have remembered they were saving up for a video camera to record their work or that they are a die-hard fan of the St. Louis Rams.
And although it may seem self-explanatory, it is easy to forget to use your words in the heat of a fight. Arguments are inevitable in any stage of a relationship, so learning to express your thoughts and feelings in an efficient manner ““ while still hearing the other person out ““ will likely lead to the makeup session much more quickly.
Using words to fight, make up or show some love becomes increasingly important the longer you’re with someone. When two people first get together, the relationship is most likely prioritized above other elements in your life ““ a stage commonly referred to as the “honeymoon phase.”
Once this phase expires ““ typically three to six months into the relationship ““ the little things that helped the relationship bloom are thrown to the wayside.
I’ve entered that lull phase, when the seven-month itch ““ a term introduced by “Sex and the City” ““ can take over the momentum of the relationship. However, my boyfriend has successfully managed to avoid that obstacle.
In fact, after sharing (and bragging about) my love letter with all my friends, they actually thought it sounded like something out of Cosmopolitan. Whether or not my guy got his advice from the pages of an advice column or some Lifetime movie really doesn’t matter. Beyond the fact that men usually get a bad wrap for being inattentive or too attentive, these labels shouldn’t matter with the right woman.
And the same is true for women. Just because they are expected to be the caretaker in a relationship doesn’t mean they can’t down a beer or enjoy a six-hour video game session.
I highly doubt these little pieces of advice work at all times, but giving each a try increases the chance of survival for a couple. And just to play it safe, keep a book of stamps handy.
Want to write Forde a love letter? Then e-mail her at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.