Chivalry is not dead, but there are times that I am shocked to find boys who are actively killing it.
Now, I understand that I hold myself to a much higher standard of chivalry than I hold most men, but there are certain lines you just don’t cross, especially when it comes to interactions with a lady.
Last night I heard a domestic disturbance outside of a UCLA fraternity, and multiple lines were exchanged by the boys taking part.
The lady’s boyfriend and his frat brother both used the nastiest language I’ve heard in a while toward this young lady, which is something that a gentleman simply does not do. I mean, that description of their conduct doesn’t make them sound very villainous, but on a public street they were dropping repeated f-bombs at the top of their lungs, constantly calling her a whore and overall just using enough of every four-letter word in existence that she eventually broke down into tears and started repeating over and over, “I want to go home.”
Having unintentionally listened to the dispute, I took an interest at this point, since it sounded like they were making her very uncomfortable and keeping her against her will in an attempt to do something unsavory.
When her side of the conversation turned into “Don’t touch me,” I decided that was enough, threw open my window and yelled down, “Hey, is there a problem down there?”
While I originally intended to alert them that their choice of language was no way to talk to a lady, my interruption was cut short by the young lady using the distraction to run away, and the only reply I got from the boys was a homophobic and immature suggestion of something I could do to them.
I call them boys because that is not how a man behaves toward a woman. Gentlemen, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are; you do not talk to a lady like that.
This is the crossed line that infuriated me enough to start writing: There are some boys who think there are situations where it’s alright to verbally abuse a woman. I’m not saying that you’re a monster if you swear in front of a woman ““ although a gentleman does try to limit it ““ but using that many curses and insults to intentionally make a woman uncomfortable is not acceptable.
Now, it is true that from her speech I could tell that this young lady was a bit inebriated, and she was dishing out quite a few f-bombs herself ““ but it does not matter.
Even if the woman is not acting like a lady and is verbally abusing you, it does not matter because you are the gentleman in the situation; you are the one responsible for keeping your temper in check and keeping your conduct and language under control.
Does it sound unfair to expect more from you during an obviously emotional dispute with your girlfriend just because you’re a guy? Tough. Be a man, suck it up and don’t only be a gentleman when it’s convenient; be a gentleman at all times.
So, while there are other lapses in etiquette that I could go on longer tirades about and more traits of chivalry that I could bemoan the dilution of, this trait is one that is concrete and that men can actively work on in their relationships with women. Gentlemen, don’t ever talk to a lady like these boys did. Ladies, never allow a gentleman to talk to you in this way. Women have just as much power to bring this trend to an end as men do.
If every single lady didn’t put up with guys who aren’t chivalrous, it would help them find those of us who are. Some part of me wishes that I could find that young lady and show her what it really means to be a gentleman, but unfortunately for her and for the other women out there who need proof that chivalry is not dead, I’m already taken.
Hanlon is a fourth-year Japanese student.