Long-distance relationships are tough. I would know ““ I’m in one right now. But instead of worrying about a boyfriend, my long-distance relationship is with one of my best girlfriends who is a commuter student.
Any relationship with a commuter student is one of the most precarious bonds that can form at UCLA. Students who don’t live on the Hill or in Westwood are at the mercy of traffic reports, gas money and a precisely timed schedule. Inevitably, their commuter status also threatens to take a toll on their connection with their peers.
Nadia Karim is a fourth-year English student who has a nearly two-hour daily drive from Cerritos. I asked her if commuting was having any effect on her ability to interact with other students or see her friends. And while I expected to hear that it did, I was surprised at how extensive that effect was.
Karim said that study groups are hard to attend because “everyone wants to meet after classes around 6:30 or 7,” but she just wants to drive home and miss rush hour. Parties are also a “no-go,” and trying to keep in touch with friends gets chaotic.
“I hardly meet with my friends on campus anymore. If we do not have a class together, then we just don’t see one another. Facebook, texts, e-mails and voice mails have become my medium and almost a primary friend,” Karim added.
As someone who has lived either on the Hill or in University Apartments since I came to UCLA, I’ve been guilty of letting many commuter students like Karim fall through the cracks. I naturally assume that they’ll always be busy commuting and therefore not have enough time to hang out and become friends.
Michelle Escobar, a third-year Spanish student, admitted that commuter students share the same assumptions about lost chances to get to know people.
“I feel like when I meet someone, I have to tell them I am a commuter. It lets them know whether or not I can work with them in a group and how involved or available I’m going to be. And that includes people you just want to be friends with,” Escobar said.
Escobar is the commuter girlfriend that I mentioned. She used to live in the dorms but now commutes from her home in Pico Rivera. And based on my experience with commuters in the past, I was worried that her switch to living off campus would turn our nightly Guitar Hero marathons into an endless exchange of voice mails and canceled trips to the movies.
“It is kind of difficult because everyone has their own schedule,” Escobar added. “But if I don’t stay over or set aside my breaks, then I won’t see anyone at all.”
So rather than entertain the idea of breaking up, Escobar and I have found ways to make our star-and-freeway-crossed relationship work.
We compared our classes, finding days that we have matching breaks and setting those hours aside for lunch. I give her plenty of advance notice when our friends want to go out to a movie so that she has ample time to make arrangements to be there. And every Thursday night, Escobar stays over at my apartment so she can see more of her friends while we all watch “The Office” together.
I’ve finally learned that it’s not impossible to spend time with friends (or classmates or boy and girlfriends) who are commuter students. To be honest, it’s actually the same way I balance all of my UCLA relationships. As long as you make mutual commitments to spend time with each other, neither of you will miss out.
It may not be perfect, but our careful plans are enough to accomplish our ultimate goal of staying in touch with each other. Because when each of you can only spare an hour before the vanpool leaves, your focus isn’t on classes or previously canceled plans or how limited your schedule is. The only thing that matters is spending time together and having fun.
“When we all make an effort to work something out so we can catch up I really appreciate it,” Escobar said. “It makes me feel included.”
And that only makes the friendship stronger, both in the long run and over the long drive on the 405.
Need another friend for the car-pool lane? E-mail Louth at klouth@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.