As far as game goes, I have none. However, I’m an excellent life coach, and I’m ready to share my wisdom with all. In the wake of Valentine’s Day everyone tends to sink to their B-game. Just as I do with my friends and roommates, I’m going to make you uncomfortable and tell you to do things you don’t want to do. But much like my friends and roommates, in the end you’ll be glad you followed my advice.
Here’s your guide to meeting people. Whether this person is going to be a friend or a date, the procedure is the same. Follow these six steps, and you will absolutely meet new people. Start out with people you don’t know and will never see again and work your way up to the people who you see regularly but are too nervous to approach. The U.S. Census reported that 44 percent of the adult population is single, and chances are that the percentage is way higher for college students ““ unless you go to BYU, where many students graduate married. The first few times will be weird, but once you get past it, you’ll be making friends right and left.
1. Spot a 10. Everyone’s version of a perfect 10 is different. It’s not just about looks either: You have to take a person’s vibe, style and surroundings into account. For example, a self-conscious person who walks around in pajamas all day with perpetually wet hair searching dragon taxidermy in the library will be way different than a person who is rocking out on his iPod as he smiles and waves at his buddies while walking through campus.
2. Make eyes at her. It has taken me 20 years to learn that you need to make eye contact to let someone know you’re interested. Even now that I’ve learned that I still can’t do it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. This truly man-savvy girl I knew told me that the secret to making eye contact is look at a person, look down for a second, and then make eye contact again with come-hither eyes and a slight smile. Stop reading this article for a second and try it. Works, huh?
3. Talk to him. Just go up to him and talk to him. If he’s sitting down, sit with him. If she’s in the dining hall at the cereal bar, then you’re getting a bowl of cereal. Of course, if she’s with a big group, you’ll probably want to wait until she’s alone or with a smaller crowd. Chances are she wants to talk to you too but is too afraid. And even if it doesn’t go well, it’s better to have tried than to regret not doing it. It doesn’t really matter what you say. Make a comment on the class you’re in, ask for a pen or warn him that the coffee machine is on the fritz. Doesn’t matter, just say something.
4. Stop freaking out. The other person is freaking out too, and you’re both working really hard to play it cool. You’re probably going to say stupid things, and when that happens you should start asking questions about her so you can stop talking and act interested in what she has to say. Both of you will end up walking away from the conversation thinking of things you should have said so your inability to be genuinely witty or interesting won’t even cross her mind.
5. Get the number. Girls, do not force your phone number onto anyone. Guys, just man up and ask. Both sexes can ask for the number, but neither should offer it up without a request. Giving out fake numbers is lame, so if you don’t want to give out your number just tell the person that you’re not interested.
6. Follow up. Texting and Facebook messaging are dumb. I think people should just call each other. Sending messages gives people way too much time to respond and are often misinterpreted because it’s hard to determine the tone of someone you don’t know well.
This plan of attack will up your game at least tenfold. I’ve seen it work. Well, not personally, because my mantra tends to go something like, “If I talk to him, I might ruin my chances.”
But most people are braver than I am. You’ll probably be mildly seduced by everyone who reads this article.
If you want Nikki as your life coach, e-mail Jagerman at njagerman@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.