As I stood in the “˜U-Scan’ line at Ralph’s Groceries waiting to purchase my frozen lasagna and Caesar salad ready-pack (my version of a home-cooked meal), I watched a young man in front of me balance a dozen roses, a gigantic purple heart-shaped balloon, a six-pack of Bud Light, and his wallet in his hands. Trying to ease his struggle, I offered to hold the beer.
I took the obvious opportunity to ask about his thoughts on Valentine’s Day. Considering the material display of love almost covering his face, I assumed the answer would be somewhat energetic. However, he replied with a casual shrug and some comment relating to how cool his girlfriend is: “She doesn’t expect much.”
In an effort to test the theory of his girlfriend’s casual demeanor toward V-Day, I asked him if he would ever dare to ignore the holiday altogether. Perhaps he could take her out for a special dinner on a different week or simply replace the flowers and balloon with a kiss.
He replied with no hesitation, “Ha, um no,” as if I had just asked him to marry me. I definitely felt his pain. Valentine’s Day has caused bouts of nausea for me since I was 16 years old.
However, I’m not the free spirit who opposes this particular holiday based on a corporate holiday greed argument. I tend to ignore the outrageous inflation with the prices of roses and chocolates and I don’t feel overwhelmed by the increased number of shades in the red, pink and white color families. I simply find the pressure of this holiday, and any other holiday which allows exclusively couples to have fun, utterly stressful for both men and women.
My Valentine’s Day experiences for the past five years are likely at the extreme side of horrible. I’ve been broken up with, cheated on and stood up in the one-week time period surrounding the holiday.
Generally speaking, these incidents should have lowered my expectations of V-Day to almost nothing, but this year, cupid threw me a curveball.
My normal nausea began around the beginning of the month as the floodgates released nightmares from years before. I shared my hatred with my girlfriends yet again, but they reminded me that this year, things would likely be different thanks to my “in a (healthy) relationship” status.
I was ecstatic to see what the holiday must feel like for the other side of the argument; that is, the people who look forward to engaging in the cliche of “˜love validation day’ at any cost.
The U.S. Census Bureau estimates 180 million greeting cards are exchanged on Valentine’s Day each year, making it the second most popular card-giving holiday recognized by the government. Who are all those cards probably going to? Yes, you’re correct, it’s the happy people.
So I asked myself why I still felt squashed butterflies in my stomach when I thought about Valentine’s Day. I found the source to be my never-ending fear and cynicism.
According to breakup statistics, my fears are warranted. The period between the winter holidays and Valentines Day has been deemed the breakup season because people are twice as likely to consider breakups as any other time of the year.
Of course, technically this is good news. As of Saturday, we are out of the woods. Surviving the winter months filled with resolutions, weight gain (and loss), and efforts to find happiness increases the chances of reaching the next year’s “˜breakup season,’ hopefully.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to take advantage of my couple status to see just how special this day can be.
Recently my guy had a rough day, so I put lasagna in the oven and tossed lettuce with some dressing to let him know I care. Valentine’s Day should be comparable to my spontaneous “˜love validation day.’ I’m trying to keep an optimistic attitude. Good luck V-Day.
Are you a lover or a fighter? E-mail Forde at nforde@viewpoint.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.