Karma has not been my friend lately.
A broken LCD computer screen, a foot-long knife gash in the convertible top of my car, and an asthmatic cough lasting over a month all point to an atmosphere in imbalance.
While any one of these events may be deemed a coincidence on its own, their simultaneous occurrence sent my mind into overdrive.
Trying to remember what selfish acts I may have committed to deserve a punishment from the universe, I began to wonder if these events were actually punishment at all.
I’ve recently found myself in a fresh relationship.
Hoping to purge the negative aspects of my life, I realized the only people that I needed to have around me are the ones who make my life better. And, of course, by no means do these people have to be boyfriends or girlfriends.
The “˜friend’ aspect of that term is the most important part.
So, where does that relationship come in?
Attempting a positive outlook, I tried categorizing my misfortunes as trials and tribulations of myself and, therefore, that new relationship as opposed to repercussions of any of my behavior.
Thinking back to the night before winter quarter began, when I dropped my wide-open laptop computer three feet onto the hardwood floor, he was the one who accompanied me to Geek Squad. And he was the one to help duct tape the roof of my car after it had been broken into.
Despite my constant disappointment and obvious negative mood, he soothed my anger, not by finding the quick fix, but by listening.
Beyond the intimate relations and social pressure of a relationship should lie a friendship or, at the very least, a developing one.
My guy’s presence was not required for my recovery from the computer/convertible/cough incidents. Support came from my roommates and best friends as well. And I’m confident in saying that their support alone would have seen me through this. Having that extra person showing he cared simply offered another place to vent and led to a stronger net to fall back on.
A quite cliched, but definitely true, Swedish proverb states, “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
Having people in your life who are present for both the good and the bad makes it all bearable and wonderful at once.
He may not always have the means to solve my problems, but his presence alone shows commitment. While this series of events was by no means easy to go through, none of them had anything to do with my relationship directly, yet each still tried its strength.
The outcome is actually quite thrilling. A relationship’s success does not need to be measured by partner compatibility alone. It’s the behavior that results from these trials that can help or hinder the bond, which should be an intimate version of friendship in its simplest form.
As corny as it sounds, getting through the tough times truly tests one’s character.
If the guy or girl you’re seeing mentally or physically checks out every time your day wasn’t filled with rainbows and smiles, they shouldn’t get to benefit from the good stuff.
Furthermore, standing by your side at those times eliminates the need to keep up appearances.
The simplicity that comes from revealing the truth about you and actually letting someone in at those vulnerable moments defines the future of a relationship. It is when your capacity for happiness, especially happiness with this person, is assessed.
Recognizing how lucky I actually am, I now smirk and shake my head at the sight of black duct tape or cherry-flavored Nyquil.
It could have been much worse. The knife could have slashed at me instead of my car, and my cough could be pneumonia rather than bronchial spasms.
Since I was a little girl my mother always spoke of blessings in disguise and told me I would understand what she meant when I was older. While I don’t think I’ve achieved my maximum maturity by any means, I am beginning to comprehend the difference between negativity and real life experience.
There is no way to predict the events tomorrow will bring. The best preparation I’ve found is surrounding myself with people who are willing to help by giving their most precious possession: their time.
E-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.