The last time I was with you all, my cynicism still bled wholeheartedly into my romantic outlook on life.
I’ve since had a change of heart.
I’d always believed in the idea that sleeping together on the first date would successfully end the potential for a relationship. And I’d always settled for the fact that a hookup would probably never become anything more.
However, my beliefs were recently shattered as conventions, especially negative male stereotypes, begin to break down everywhere.
In the most unlikely place, I met a guy who has changed my entire outlook on men. Apparently, the rules of relationships really were meant to be broken.
I took a tap class with this particular gentleman, exchanged numbers (for artistic purposes of course) and two days later ended up in the bedroom with him.
I didn’t expect the commencement of a physical relationship between us to take long. The sexual tension was apparent before the class was even over. But imagine my surprise when three months down the road, I’m in a committed relationship with my dancing lover that seems to be getting more serious with every day that passes. He’s reduced my cynicism about men, can make me smile at almost any time, and helped me see that it is OK to make your own rules, especially in a relationship.
So how, all of a sudden, is it possible to turn your 2 a.m. booty call into your boyfriend?
It’s no secret that these rules were passed down from times when the pace of life was not nearly up to speed with current times. Today, students are so busy with classes, jobs and grad school preparations that spending months dating someone just to find out you don’t fit physically becomes a waste of time. Hookups and “friends with benefits” become a way to test the waters. Of course, expecting a hookup to magically transform into a one-year anniversary dinner is quite a stretch.
In my experience, after the first few hookups, you know whether or not there is potential for development beyond the physical.
It was at this point that I knew my guy and I could have more than just a physical affiliation, and I initiated the all-too-scary exclusivity conversation. Luckily, I didn’t misread the signs and he felt the same way.
Despite the stereotype of college guys only being interested in one-night stands, don’t underestimate their capacity to commit. Think about it: these young men ““ at least the ones that graduate ““ spend four years or more pursuing success, which requires maturity and commitment.
Though they may feel the need to explore the new territory of the campus at first, these are the men that value dedication and completion. Those values will inevitably spill into the romantic arena. I’m experiencing this first hand.
Breaking the rule of “date first, sex later” inspires a total flip of convention.
Even traditional gender roles of older men are changing as stay-at-home dads become an increasingly popular catch. About 25 percent of women now out-earn their husbands, and these dads are becoming supportive, flexible saviors. I certainly believe a woman can have the best of both worlds, a successful career and a loving family. Confident stay-at-home dads make this possible.
Also, though it may sound sacrilegious, it is possible for a relationship to survive if one person is unfaithful. While many cheaters are selfish narcissists, some are good people who make a horrible mistake.
I realize that in the past I’ve had strong opinions about cheaters, relationships and men in general. The best part about finally experiencing at least a piece of a healthy relationship is having a shift in perspective.
I stopped expecting the love I was longing for to come in a certain package and I was pleasantly surprised.
And to all my fellow cynics, especially those still heavily grounded at the darker end of the scale, one man has not erased everything I’ve learned in the seven years of my dating career.
Knowing what I’ve gone through in the past helps me avoid the little, insignificant fights and allows me to keep an eye out for the deal-breaking red flags.
By simply altering my conventional perspectives, I ended up meeting a tap-dancing catch, even despite the sweaty spandex and lack of makeup.
Opening your mind? E-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.