It’s World AIDS Day. How ironic.
I once thought World AIDS Day was just on Dec. 1. I never imagined that a day about AIDS would be just another day in my life. There are times when we feel that we are on top of the world, then there are times when we hit rock bottom. There are times when we feel that everything is just right and that nothing can go wrong, but then, we are faced with the biggest challenge of our lives.
“I have a dream.” Those were the words within a speech of one of our nation’s most amazing leaders, and like him, I also had a dream. I had many dreams. I had a dream that life was going to be filled with great accomplishments and that one step at a time, I would fulfill each and every goal I set out in my lifetime.
Those dreams were shattered on Nov. 1, 2001 when HIV became a part of my every day. I found out I was HIV positive. I will never forget that day. I still remember all the feelings and emotions that ran through my body. I couldn’t see past the thought of dying. All my dreams and goals were put on hold. Life at the age of 21 had changed drastically. My hopes and dreams all were destroyed that day. The guilt, shame and hate all began to take over every emotion in my body. It was a truly life-changing experience, and the worst was soon to come. After the diagnosis, I went a whole year in denial, fell into a deep state of depression and isolated myself from others. I began to live a life of self destruction and soon lost control of who I was and where I was going. I soon hit rock bottom.
Living with HIV has been the hardest challenge of my life. It’s the battle of a lifetime. It’s been a challenge to fight a war that’s going on inside of me. How do you fight the enemy that lives within you? How do you learn to cope and move forward after being betrayed and sentenced to death? I had trusted and loved and then was betrayed.
But now I believe that this was not a death sentence but more a curve ball that God threw my way. I had two options: to let this curve ball hit me and knock me down or to catch it and run with it.
I no longer think of HIV as the enemy but more like a challenge that I’m willing to take on. I have learned to rise to the occasion and face life and all of its challenges. I have learned to forgive that love that betrayed me and take responsibility for my actions and choices.
It’s not like HIV defines me, but it was so traumatic that it began to define who I was. I went from being known as Jorge Diaz to “that guy that has HIV.” This disease can take over your identity and self-image. It challenges who you are, and how strong you are.
It’s been seven years now. I have taken control of my life and I’m winning the fight against HIV.
Life continues to be a challenge, no doubt about it. I have successfully gotten over the shock of being HIV positive; it’s been a rough road, but I am fortunate to be alive. I value life and have a different perspective on things. Life will never be what it once was, but I wouldn’t change anything if given the opportunity.
No, I’m not glamorizing HIV, not for a split second. For me, this experience has allowed me the opportunity to utilize this traumatic event to educate others and change the way society views an individual impacted by HIV/AIDS. I have learned to take this experience and not ask God why, but how? How can I make life valuable? How can I change the world? How can I help others? How can I continue to learn to deal with the curve balls that are waiting for me?
What does World AIDS Day mean to me? For me, it’s about remembering those who have lost their lives due to HIV/AIDS. It’s not about celebrating those who have lost their battle. I don’t believe we lose the battle to AIDS. We fight every day for just another day. This day allows me to celebrate the strength and courage of all those individuals who have fought their own battles. World AIDS Day is also about supporting those who are continuing to fight the biggest battle of their lives. If you have never met an individual living with HIV, now you have. I’m Jorge Diaz, a proud Bruin, living with HIV. I have welcomed HIV into my life, and accepted it as part of who I am. I will always be a person living with HIV, never a person dying of it.
Diaz is a graduate student in the Social Welfare program.