White lace doilies and deep red bricks are the first things you notice at Sweet Lady Jane, a homey bakery in West Hollywood that specializes in finger-lick-worthy cakes and tasty pastries.
It is homey in the way that your grandmother’s messy living room is homey. There are green paper napkins on the marble-topped tables and pretty china plates dirtied with leftovers from previous customers. There are some lightbulbs that need to be changed. The waiter calls the water that comes in tall thin glasses “tasty tap.”
Despite only having six tiny tables, the bakery’s large mirrors and wide windows open up the space. Like the portraits of babies and family at home, pretty photographs of the bakery’s favorite cakes line the walls.
And then you notice the real goods: the calorie-laden, icing-packed desserts that are calling your name from the display case.
Apple pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie and boysenberry pie. Layered cakes, sticky buns, apple bread pudding and a regal red velvet cake. Shiny flan, colorful fruit tarts, and three different kinds of cheesecakes. The options are slightly overwhelming, and you may need to wipe the drool from the edge of your mouth afterwards.
Each slice of dessert is $7.50, which seems pricey until you actually start eating and realize that each slice is almost too much for even two people to share. Thankfully, the bakery offers easy access to plastic takeout containers. A glass of milk is $1.75 and may be necessary for washing down the sugary concoctions. Carafes of coffee or pots of tea are also available at $2 per person.
My hesitations about the out-of-season blueberry pie were abandoned with a bite into the deep purple berries and the buttery crust. The small blueberries had just the right amount of sweetness and a texture that every baker should strive for. There was none of the soupy, sticky syrup from grocery-store knockoffs ““ just perfectly sweet, juicy blueberries.
The fluffy chocolate almond roca cake was not too rich, layered with bittersweet chocolate and crumbled almonds inside and out for a delightful crunchy texture in every bite. It had a light layer of fresh whipped cream on top, which complemented the cake nicely.
The colorful princess cake is decorated on the outside with Easter-green marzipan and dotted with delicate pink roses and bows. Inside are three layers of rich butter cream and a raspberry filling. My bite of the yellow cake was a little dry, but the rich frosting layers and sugary marzipan nearly made up for it.
Chocolate lovers must try Sweet Lady Jane’s chocolate strawberry shortcake, made with real strawberries, three layers of rich chocolate fudge, and whipped cream, and boasting an impressive 1/4-inch fudge layer on top. The beautiful curlicue details on the smooth chocolate outside are almost enough to make you stop eating to just admire it ““ almost.
They also have an extensive seasonal menu that varies during the year. The fall choices includes pumpkin cheesecake with whipped-cream topping, cranberry bread pudding, chocolate caramel walnut tarts, and a cherry pie with latticework crust.
One of the bakery’s claims to fame is the elaborate wedding cake they baked for Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi’s wedding. Photographs of the couple and their cake hang on the bakery’s walls.
Potential customers should be warned of Sweet Lady Jane’s guidelines, which may seem a bit strict at first. Between 11:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m., and after 5 p.m. there is a $5-per-person minimum purchase, and a loosely enforced 45-minute table limit. If one is going with more than one other person or in a rush, they recommend calling in your order.
The service was slow with a large-order customer in front of us and plenty of messy tables to clear, but there is no question that Sweet Lady Jane is friendly and well-meaning. Our waiter, when he finally cleared a table for us, had lots of clever jokes and almost as many interesting piercings.
The desserts are so fresh and so good at Sweet Lady Jane that you can forget all of that. Just like those good ol’ home-cooked meals, ignore your fears of cavities and calories. Just enjoy your dessert.
““ Kelsey Ramos
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E-mail Ramos at kramos@media.ucla.edu.