For the longest time I simply accepted, through gritted teeth, that heterosexual intercourse would always prioritize male pleasure.
Ideally, the question, “Did you come, baby?” should never have to leave a guy’s mouth. Truth is, men really don’t know if women come or not. But they should learn how to make it a very likely possibility.
The thing is, we each need different kinds of movement to reach our climax.
Most women need constant clitoral stimulation, which implies short, quick strokes close to the body, or in other words, a general combination of his pubic bone and shaft to her clitoris.
On the other hand, men need long, deep strokes pulling almost all the way away from her body before returning for a few minutes of repetition. This technique will probably get him to poke her liver or her kidney, but definitely not her G-spot.
Sexy, right?
This obvious paradox seems to be one of God’s little tricks, an amusement for the petty human beings.
Fortunately, we may have found a way around this plaguing joke.
A group known as “The Welcomed Consensus” has patented a sexual activity known as “DO-ing” or, in other words, the “Deliberate Orgasm.” Its research is dedicated to the female orgasm, and in doing so, the members have found a way to make a woman orgasm in three minutes.
Why three minutes, you ask? Basically, they know most people can’t make room in their schedule for Sting-style hours-long tantric sex. In their sample video, the Welcome Consensus said, “People were saying, “˜Well, I don’t have time for a one hour orgasm everyday.’ But people do have three-minutes here and there … a woman could be totally gratified in three minutes.”
In a series of courses and instructional videos, The Welcomed Consensus teaches women how to reach orgasm alone, men how to bring women to orgasm, and both how to focus on intimacy communication relative to the female orgasm.
I’m not kidding.
The videos are graphic displays of female genitalia in orgasm but are intended as educational tools rather than pornography.
While I can humbly applaud their collective 100 years of research, I think the main contribution the members of the Welcomed Consensus have made to the sexually active community is blatantly pointing out that, yes, it takes some work for women to get off.
Men are basically always guaranteed an orgasm (provided they can get it up and keep it up); the penis provides something obvious to grab hold of, and sexual duration is entirely dependent on when he climaxes.
The trade-off for all these male benefits is that allegedly the female orgasm is much more intense, and we can have multiples.
OK, that’s all fine and good, but I’m still a little confused.
First off, how did researchers come to the conclusion that the female orgasm is more intense? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it impossible to personally experience both a female and male orgasm? And wouldn’t it be necessary to do so in order to make a comparative claim about the intensity of both? Scientific testing can only go so far.
And secondly, who are these women who consistently have multiple orgasms from vaginal intercourse? Statistics show that fewer than half of all sexually active women can achieve orgasm through normal sexual intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation.
Furthermore, you can be sure that women don’t get off every time they have sex, even those who know how to get there.
As for when women are alone, we have less of a problem: anxiety about body image, over-sweating and awkward jiggling are gone.
The problems start when we throw a guy in the mix ““ now there are two people’s pleasure to worry about now.
We have two options: continue to accept the male pleasure dominance in intercourse or demand more.
The idea of the female orgasm will remain complex, but it can still be reached if we alter our priorities a lick.
Roll off your back, throw a leg around him and hop to it. Worst-case scenario, you burn some calories. Best-case scenario, you find your best sex life.
It’s a win-win.
Ready to jump to it? Then e-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.