The second the warmth left his mother’s hand, Caleb Poon knew she had passed away.
It was in the third-year psychobiology student’s house in Sacramento last January, surrounded by his mother’s sisters, that Poon became an orphan.
Poon is one of many college students who have dealt with a loved one’s fight against cancer. According to the American Cancer Society, cancer is the second most common cause of death, second only to heart disease.
Dealing with the news
Poon’s father died of liver cancer when he was only 4, but his mother’s fatal bout with colon cancer hit a lot closer to home. Poon, however, did not react with the feelings of anguish, hopelessness or even intense gloom that most would consider standard.
“I obviously felt sad and I cried, but I didn’t really get depressed or (feel) in despair,” Poon said. “I wasn’t super happy or joyful, but I think I knew that ultimately everything would be all right.”
Third-year psychobiology student Joyce Lin went through similar experiences when her best friend Timothy Huang, who was also a student at UCLA, passed away in June 2006 from glioblastoma multiforme, a rare but deadly form of brain tumor.
Lin was with her friend every step of the way, from his first diagnosis in November 2004 to the moment the doctors took him off life support because he had been declared brain-dead as a result of the tumor.
The idea of someone so young, who should be in college and enjoying life, stuck in a hospital bed with problems seeing, hearing and eating because of chemotherapy was undoubtedly difficult, she said.
“It’s not fair. It robs you of so many experiences you should be having,” Lin said. “I don’t think people so young should have to deal with (cancer).”
These feelings fall in line with those studied in other people with a loved one living with cancer, experts said.
“The research seems to indicate that the level of distress of the family member is the same or greater than what the patient experiences,” said Anne Coscarelli, the director of the Simms/Mann-UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology. “When the patient gets a diagnosis of cancer, the whole family gets a diagnosis of cancer.”
The summer before first-year undeclared student Tyler Winters began school at UCLA, his mother was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. His family was shocked: She was in considerably good health.
“You feel bad for other people, but it’s a different level when it’s a family member,” Winters said.
His mother was the last person he thought cancer would personally affect.
Cancer and school
All three students’ experiences with their loved ones fighting cancer occurred during their college years, which they all agreed proved difficult.
Poon took winter quarter of last year off to attend to his mother.
“I thought this was more important than school, definitely worth the sacrifice,” he said. “My perspective changed a lot ““ schoolwork wasn’t all about the grades. I wanted to do my best, (but) it wasn’t as big of a priority.”
Those who didn’t take a leave of absence from school were nonetheless constantly by their loved one’s side.
Winters’ mom started chemotherapy the Thursday before fall quarter began.
“It was hard to leave her because she was really worried about it … because her mom had died a couple years previously with lung cancer,” Winters said.
He made an extra effort during fall quarter to visit home, despite the five-hour trip via bus and train to San Diego.
“(We) had a more affectionate relationship because you just didn’t know what was going to happen,” he said. “She … wanted us around all the time, wanted to keep us close because I think she was just worried about the idea that this could be the last (time).”
Lin, too, found fall quarter of her first year to be difficult. The cancer impacted her grades because she returned home every weekend to visit her friend.
“It was hard because I was always wondering how he was doing. I was anxious and thinking about whether or not he was able to eat that day,” Lin said.
He died the Tuesday before finals week, leaving Lin unable to focus on school and barely able to eat.
Maintaining a positive outlook
Poon said his mother maintained a high level of tranquility and peace during her illness, and this helped him keep a positive outlook through the experience.
He added that his mom’s strong and continued faith in God throughout her bout with cancer inspired him to recommit to his religion and aided his peace of mind.
“Seeing her at peace gave me a lot of peace in my life,” Poon said. “She knew she was going to a better place: heaven. She had faith that God puts this in our life for a reason. That definitely encouraged me to not be so anxious and worried.”
Religion also played a role in Lin’s experience and helped her cope with her friend’s cancer.
She said that though the surgery, radiation and chemotherapy were hard, her friend never complained and was strong because he was a strong Christian.
“He said, “˜Don’t worry. Life is tough, but God is good.’ He’s the one who was sick, yet he was comforting me,” Lin said.
A new perspective
In many cases, a loved one’s experience with cancer has created a change in a person’s direction in life, especially career-wise.
Winters said he feels as if his mom’s battle with cancer led him to choose to go into the medical field. There is a great deal of truth when his mom jokes that her cancer has much to do with his academic decision.
“My mom’s joke was, “˜You didn’t know how determined I was to have you become a doctor. I had to get cancer because of it,'” Winters said.
Similarly, Lin found a direction in her career path as a result of the cancer.
“There’s a part of me that wants to use my life to continue his fight against cancer,” she said.
Lin said she has also gained an appreciation for the value of life, especially the little things people take for granted.
“Life is fragile. When you’re young you think nothing will happen to you but it can,” she said. “Watching him go through (cancer), I realized how lucky I am to be able to walk and eat and digest without throwing up. I’m thankful.”
Poon also has developed a new perspective toward life, saying that he gained a different outlook as a result of his mother’s struggle.
“My perspective changed a lot (when I came back to school),” he said. “I spent more time with people. You just never know when these things are going to happen. Life is really unpredictable.”
In the end, Poon said that he came out stronger as a result of this trying hardship.
“The analogy (is) of the impurities in a bar of gold,” he said. “They put the gold in the fire, a tough trial. Ultimately what comes out is refined gold.”
With reports from Jessica Lum, Bruin senior staff.