A wise man once said: "Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you’ll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that’s my point."
That man was Jack Handey, and apparently his priorities were a little out of order.
Flunking finals? That’s fine. But going to the Bahamas and missing the Madness of March? That’s just crazy talk.
Welcome to the one time of the year when college basketball grips the nation like Sly Stallone in "Cliffhanger." A three-week period when "It’s just a game" becomes laughable. When that buzzer-beating upset that nobody saw coming is going to happen. When it’s okay to still be wearing those socks because, hey, your team’s still winning.
Because in March, anything goes.
Go ahead, rub sacred geometry all over your bracket and pray for a perfect set of picks. Use a Ouija board to solve that region that just doesn’t want to cooperate. Flip your lucky coin for that 7-10 dilemma. Hell, even hire a psychic for that gutsy Cinderella pick that could make or break your bracket.
This year’s field features a slew of teams that could end up in San Antonio on the third weekend, but even more who could send them packing early.
For the Bruins, the path to the Final Four is arguably the least difficult among those of the No. 1 seeds, but to say it will be easy would be like calling Einstein a simple man.
You see, for any team, the path to the Final Four is like blindly trying to navigate a minefield on a pogo stick. Degree of difficulty: 10.
But the problem is it doesn’t end there. Once arriving in San Antonio, teams face their toughest competition. And as the Bruins have proved for the past two years, reaching the Final Four is an accomplishment, but failing to bring home the hardware leaves you with a hole in your chest the size of a bowling ball.
So for Bruins in their third straight Dance as an elite team, here’s what to look for if they’re going to be the team cutting down the nets on April 7:
Can the Bruins handle a powerhouse MVSU squad? Despite Mississippi Valley’s intimidating vampire logo, UCLA should be able to pull out a squeaker.
How good are Drake and UConn? Drake is a very solid team with great guard play. However, the best team they played all year was Butler (a close 7-point win) and a matchup against UCLA could be disastrous for the Bulldogs because they lack any true post presence.
UConn has a little more credibility than Drake, with wins over Pitt, Louisville and Georgia Tech. They also have a formidable inside-outside game with A.J. Price and Hasheem Thabeet.
How would a UCLA-Duke matchup come out? In a battle of two of the most historied programs in college basketball, the Bruins would win in a close one. DeMarcus Nelson would get locked down by Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love would see some favorable matchups in the paint. As long as the Bruins stay out of early foul trouble and hit their free throws, the tough Bruin defense should be enough to stop the Dukies.
Who do the Bruins not want to see? Texas, Tennessee and Memphis. These teams are all freakishly athletic and have big men that could cause problems (see: James, Damien at Pauley on Oct. 2). Then again, Memphis had a similar team two years ago that the Bruins held to 45 points in the Elite Eight.
How can I get to the Final Four? Flights to San Antonio are $104 on Orbitz. I’ll miss some class, but I might’ve flunked anyway.
That’s my point.
Send comments, tourney picks, cash or Final Four tickets to jfeder@media.ucla.edu.