Breathe easy.
As you may already know, the infamous and well-covered Writers Guild strike is over and the televisiopocalypse has been averted, however narrowly. Long-absent fan-favorite shows are slowly returning to air, like bewildered soldiers relieved of their duty returning to the family farm.
There was no triumphant or climactic end to this strike, no iron-fisted Reagan to break the strike like so many Popsicle sticks. But getting (mostly) good scripted shows back is on the whole, as Martha would say, a good thing in and of itself.
However, the awkward five-month interim period from last November to this February was not a total waste of valuable airtime. There were a few good, or at least illuminating, things that came out of this messy trial separation of television and the American people. Here are the top five things I’ll miss about the strike, in no particular order:
1. Third-tier reality/game shows
Did anyone ever think the children of today would have the blessing of having the neon unitard spectacle of “American Gladiators” burned into the back of their retinas? I didn’t; I thought I would have to break out my VHS tapes of the originals. But thanks at least in part to the WGA strike, “AG” came back with a vengeance to spread its vital message of HGH-fueled patriotism and ritualistic combat in an era that has woefully forgotten it.
“AG” is just the most vivid example of networks grasping at straws for programming to fill the gaping holes in their schedules. As a result, guilty pleasures ceased to become guilty pleasures, because the non-guilty pleasures weren’t even on anymore. Needless to say, these shows (“Biggest Loser,” “Moment of Truth,” “AG”) peddled their own brand of exploitative schlock and went to bat for the networks when no one else could, providing endless hours of hilarity, intentional and unintentional.
Even though these shows will probably still be around once the post-strike provisions are implemented, they will never have as high billing as they did during this strike.
2. The bittersweet endeavors of striking writers
If you open up YouTube right now, you can find a hidden cache of would-be protest videos all made by striking writers to help support their cause virally. They range from Judd Apatow’s masterful reenactment of a scene from “The Hills” with James Franco and Mila Kunis, to heavy-handed proselytizing parodies of writer-less police procedurals.
This just answers the age-old question: What does a writer do when he’s on strike? The only thing he can do: write some more, just not for the plantation like he used to. So even when a writer’s not supposed to be writing, he’s writing ““ which is kind of a sign of dedication, but also kind of sad.
The situation took a turn for the worse when I was browsing Craigslist for a discounted Akai Music Production Center. I found an ad with a decent price, but the description made my heart sink like the Lusitania: “Have to sell because of the strike.” Now that the strike is over, it seems prudent to joke about this, but I still like to imagine this was the handsomely paid head writer of “Heroes” learning humility the hard way. If it weren’t for the strike, we wouldn’t have seen the futile side of writers.
3. Funky prime-time documentaries
During winter break, I spent a great deal of time at home huddled in front of the warm blue light of the TV, catching up on all the idiot box had to offer since I had accidently gutted the cable array on my room’s TV. I came upon a bizarre and out-of-place documentary airing on CBS at about 8 p.m. called “In God’s Name.” Kanye said it best: “If I talk about God my record won’t get played.” The same goes for TV shows. God is generally a taboo topic, especially in prime time on a network. Maybe they were cashing in on some pre-Christmas religious euphoria, rather than mining the generally pagan rites of “Survivor.”
In any case, the documentary was a sensitive, moving and well-rounded piece about the nature of faith and religion all over the world. These dudes interviewed the pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Dalai Lama, the chief rabbi of Jerusalem, a sheik and a sikh. They covered pretty much all their bases (sorry Baha’is and Jehovah’s Witnesses), and it was actually fairly interesting. What would have been relegated to the graveyard shift on the History Channel after a marathon of “Mail Call” instead got the prime-time treatment, and as a result a thoughtful documentary was broadcast the world over.
4. Conan proving himself
Confirming all of our best suspicions, in the teeth of the WGA strike Conan O’Brien stepped up to the plate and paid all of his non-writer crew’s salaries for an extended period of time out of his own pocket. This was all while Leno only paid two weeks of his crew’s salary to get them through the holidays. In fact, it was probably Leno’s sound tech that put that Akai MPC up for sale on Craigslist.
While everyone else floundered during the strike, Conan took the opportunity to prove to us he really is the amiable, goofy and reliable ginger we always thought he was. Again, he’ll still be that same guy after the strike, but it’s nice to have proof. We’ll just have to wait until Conan takes over for Leno for him to prove himself again.
5. Easy topics for desperate TV columnists to write about
Wait, what?
If you think “American Gladiators” should stay in the heart of prime time, e-mail Ayres at jayres@media,ucla.edu.