UCLA-USC basketball used to be just a game.
There was nothing more on the line other than bragging rights, and it was a relatively civil affair.
Now, Southern Cal coach Tim Floyd has gone and made things personal.
Three months ago, at a luncheon attended by other collegiate coaches, the Los Angeles Times reported that Floyd said something so offensive, so egregious, that it made me throw up in my own mouth when I heard it.
He insulted Ben Howland’s hair.
That’s right: Ben Howland’s hair.
Apparently Floyd said something about how Howland should consider transplanting an entire cadaver’s scalp to replace his balding head.
Not only is that just mean (a lot of men Howland’s age are balding), it’s also weird and disgusting.
To put this in context, this was not any form of retaliation. As far as I know, Howland has never said anything about how Floyd behaves like a pouting toddler on the sidelines, or how his NBA record (93-235) is uglier than Mark Madsen dancing.
This was a sucker punch straight to the follicles.
First of all, let’s get something straight: There is nothing wrong with Ben Howland’s hair. Sure, there’s not much left on top ““ that’s the truth. But, hey, that’s probably got more to do with the stress of coaching in consecutive Final Fours than anything else. Maybe one day Floyd will know what that’s like.
Second of all, if resorting to trashing his rival’s receding hair line is how Floyd occupies his time, then he’s got some serious problems.
Let’s take a look at them.
For starters, his team has dropped off the face of the earth faster than explorers before Copernicus. After starting the season ranked No. 18 in the preseason polls, the Trojans have quality losses to teams such as Mercer (by 15) and an exhibition loss to Fresno Pacific. They then proceeded to drop their first three conference games by a combined 31 points, showing the country that you need five guys to win, not just 57 shots by Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo ““ yes, that’s his real name.
Now the Trojans (10-6, 1-3 Pac-10) sit at the bottom of the conference, above only Washington and Oregon State. That’s a long way to fall for ‘SC, which was supposed to compete for a conference championship this season. It must be frustrating for a guy to take the Trojans to their second Sweet 16 since 1979, bring in one of the best recruits in the country, and still suck.
This just wasn’t how it was supposed to be for the Trojans. Their recruiting coup with Mayo and the brand-spanking new Galen Center were supposed to signal a turnaround for their program. Too bad just four games into the conference season they’re back playing third-fiddle behind the Bruins and Fairfax High School.
It all must be grating on the ears of Tim Floyd as his Trojans continue to show that, no matter the hype and no matter the rankings, the Bruins are still the class of Los Angeles.
And if Timmy still wants to keep taking cracks at Howland’s hair, well that’s just fine. He could Bic the rest or even grow a mullet ““ either way, he’ll always be beating ‘SC.
E-mail Feder at jfeder@media.ucla.edu if you’re a fan of Madsen’s dancing.