Ladies and gentlemen, let’s make 2008 the year of self-sexploration.
It’s inevitable: The beginning of a new year forces an evaluation of your self and your life.
And apparently the first of the year offers a clean slate and a chance to change what you hate most; it’s as if the year’s infancy brings inspiration to make life-altering decisions.
I personally think the idea of the New Year’s resolution is ridiculous.
If you really wanted to change something about yourself that much, you would just do it, regardless of the time of year.
However, in the spirit of improvement, there is one element always worth a resolution: your sex life.
First off, I have to advise people to focus on quality over quantity.
It is a common mistake to assume that more sex will lead to better sex. When it takes the effort of two people to make great sex truly great, this assumption falls short. Bring your own personal A-game to the plate and choose a partner who is willing to do the same.
In my experience, once I found what I liked, sex was a lot more pleasurable when I sent someone else down there to do the work.
Ladies, you can’t expect a man to understand your female anatomy if you haven’t explored it yourself. There will be no miraculous moment where everything clicks together, so to speak.
However, this physical self-exploration does not solely involve hand-on-flesh contact.
Explore your whole body and femininity as it relates to your sexuality for your own benefit. And the same goes for you, gentlemen ““ just because your place of pleasure is external does not make the knowledge of pleasing you any easier. Find out where you like a little extra attention.
Overall, impress your partner with some hot, seductive instructions on what gets you going and you can bet you will spend less time trying to have sex and more time actually doing it.
I, myself, am also going to make it a point this year to indulge in some sexual curiosity. You know, buy another vibrator, entice a secret admirer, or take a vow of celibacy.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you change it up at least once. You can only blame yourself if your sex life bores you. In addition, 2008 needs to be the year where we all drop the idea of what its “supposed” to be like.
Sexpectations create too much pressure, are hardly ever met, and don’t accurately satisfy individual desire. Sex has the potential to be a meaningful display of affection between two people; however, there isn’t a right or wrong way to do it.
A lot of women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse, so don’t expect it to look like the movies, where three thrusts get the girl moaning.
Concentrate on what feels good, not what looks good. The more pleasure you experience the better your display of satisfaction and benefit for your partner.
Another option for improvement would be integrating your sexual self into your total identity. Too many people (men and women alike), compartmentalize their feelings to separate sex from passion and passion from life. That sexual drive is a carnal instinct naturally selected over years of evolution.
Stop ignoring it.
I’m not saying jump on the attractive man or woman standing in front of you in line at Starbucks, but what’s wrong with starting a conversation? Our sense of attraction is too important to be ignored.
Share a sexual fantasy and get over your fear of rejection.
All of these little changes will not only benefit your sex life, but boost your self-confidence as well.
According to the Western Journal of Medicine, the average sexually active 16- to 45-year-old has sex about 2.5 times a week.
Whether your sexuality falls below or above the average, make 2008 the year you own it.
Virgin? Don’t ever be afraid to spice it up. Being sexy doesn’t mean you have to have sex.
Promiscuous? Your choices are yours and yours alone. Be safe with whatever or whoever you do, and take full advantage of your seductive talents.
Most importantly, whatever additions, changes or improvements grace your sex life this year, be sure that you are the primary beneficiary.
Once your focus revolves around your own sexual style, sex will be better for all partners involved.
So, great sex in 2008 … here we come.
Want to share your resolutions with Forde? E-mail her at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.