Like so many college students, Cedric and Michelle began their relationship after meeting in class ““ a developmental psychology class at USC.
“I was first drawn to him because I thought he was cute but I became drawn to his easygoing personality (and) intelligence,” said Michelle. Michelle and Cedric’s names have been changed to protect them from sanctions by the university.
Unlike in many relationships, however, Cedric was her teaching assistant at the time.
“I thought she was cute, she seemed nice and she did well in the class, so I knew she had a brain,” Cedric said. “I wasn’t going to make any moves while she was actually in the class ““ they have rules about those kinds of things.”
Michelle and Cedric have been dating for two and a half years now and plan to stay together.
Intimate relationships between faculty and students are not uncommon, as is outlined in UCLA psychology Professor Paul Abramson’s new book, “Romance in the Ivory Tower: The Rights and Liberty of Conscience.”
“(Romantic relationships) are much more likely to occur between a TA and an undergraduate,” said Abramson, who has been critical of policies governing student-faculty romance. “Adults in the U.S. have some fundamental rights to choose who they love.”
Abramson’s view is quite romantic. He’s also married and tenured.
I’m single, vulnerable and value my job and academic/professional reputation.
One reason why these prohibitions exist is to diminish the possibility of favoritism.
“Academia is a fiercely competitive environment. This is the most legitimate reason (to have such policies),” Abramson said. He suggests third-party grading to avoid such conflicts of interest.
Another reason is the risk of litigation. “By prohibiting all romantic relationships, it makes the university less vulnerable when things go awry,” Abramson said. “Things are going great, then one person wants out, things get ugly, then someone threatens to complain about harassment.”
So from a legal and ethical standpoint, I can sum up with one word the choice to date one of your students, or for undergraduates, to date your TA: “Terribsplosive.” Is that a word? How about “ultimawkward”?
Either way, it’s bad ““ but only if it occurs and falls apart suddenly during the quarter.
I’m not a UC regent or legal council. I’m a single graduate student who feels like a typical Saturday night out in Los Angeles often devolves into the speed-dating scene from “The 40 Year Old Virgin.”
These terminal degree years likely represent my best shot at meeting lots of intelligent, motivated, young people who share my interests and values, and any policy that says otherwise strikes me as institutional player-hating.
So from a strategic standpoint, is it a good idea to date undergraduate students not in my class? Hell yes.
We graduate students may be getting our Ph.D.s, M.D.s or M.B.A.s, but we may also be looking for our Mr. or Mrs. The real world is scary ““ you really don’t meet many normal, datable people in bars and clubs in Los Angeles.
The beauty and travesty of the UC policy governing consensual relationships is in its vagueness. It states that faculty and TAs are forbidden from engaging in romantic relations not only with students who we have, but “any student who (we) should reasonably expect to have in the future.”
I never thought it would help to have low expectations when dating, but for the sake of keeping my personal dating pool deep, that’s how I’d roll. If somebody I had a relationship with shows up in the section I grade or teach, then hey, I didn’t “reasonably expect” that.
On the other hand, a cautious TA interpreting this literally could deduce that this makes everybody with any remote connection to UCLA off-limits.
How am I supposed to predict which jobs, teaching or research appointments I’ll take, let alone which classes undergraduates could decide to enroll in at any point in the future?
A better question is why undergraduates would want to date TAs. As Abramson points out, it’s understandable that many people are drawn to the fiscal and professional stability that comes with positions of authority: “Power is going to be seductive.” This is a reason why nurses are drawn to doctors, actors to directors, pages to politicians. There are entire genres of pornography based on these dynamics ““ or so I’ve heard.
So why TAs? We graduate students barely have any real authority, chances are we’re broke, and we probably don’t have much free time. I eat ramen literally twice a week. So unless nerdiness, isolation and ramen turn you on, there are more fertile pastures out there.
Then again, we are fairly high-achieving on paper at least, so hopefully mom and dad would approve. Stick out the relationship for the busy years and we could blossom into successful professionals who share common academic interests and an alma mater.
Do you enjoy ramen and educational research? E-mail Aikins at raikens@media.ucla.edu.