Mistakes happen, but our reaction to them is what really counts.
It is very probable that you will “give it up” to the wrong guy sometime in your life. Sex will always be the ultimate way to show the love you share, but, unfortunately, you don’t always love the men you sleep with.
I’ve come across guys I wish I could forget and others I sincerely believe I could spend the rest of my life with.
The idea here is recognizing how to separate casual sex from “the real thing” and then deciding which type of sex you seek.
Once that decision is made, you must choose your men wisely.
With that in mind, I’d like to share with you (or, more accurately, warn you about) the worst types of men to date here at UCLA.
Topping the list is the athlete. As a Division I school, UCLA boasts some of the best athletes in the nation. The problem is athletes know this and use it to their advantage.
Despite their stamina and strength ““ which makes some good lovers ““ the words “long term” aren’t in their vocabulary. So if you desire a hot hook-up with a guy that has the ability to bench press you, by all means, go ahead. Just don’t expect them to make you breakfast or even let you stay the night.
But, not to worry, some exceptions do apply. I have witnessed some athletes who have the strength to overcome the constant throng of women who approach them. When an athlete chooses to turn down his sexual privileges as the big man on campus to spend his coveted time with you, he’s a winner.
The second worst is the actor/musician/artist. I lumped this group together because of their common trait: drama. All the world’s a stage to them, and they blow everything out of proportion. Sure, their creative talents tend to keep them in touch with their emotions, but when they start a fight over whether you went to the football game with Suzie or Sally, you’ve got a problem.
And, yes, in the case of the musician, rhythmic ability can produce pleasurable vibrations in bed, but every time that drummer takes off his shirt during the show, he has another pair of eyes ““ and legs ““ ready and waiting for him to get off stage.
Third in line is the golden boy. This guy has his future paved with his daddy’s money, he was probably the homecoming/prom king, and he can get whatever he wants with a smile. That doesn’t leave much room for you. He will expect you to worship him just like everyone else. There is no give-and-take in this relationship, and that will spill over into bed. Say goodbye to your orgasm.
This one may seem obvious: the drug dealer. Though it may sound like a no-brainer, don’t judge too quickly. Very few people introduce themselves by saying, “Hi, I’m Joe Schmoe. I sell cocaine.”
That information is kept private and, chances are, you won’t know until it’s too late. Look for the signs: a shoebox of cash, late-night runs, sketchy calls and texts and rubber bands around the wrist. If you notice anything suspicious, chalk it up to experience and get out.
Then there is your ex’s best friend. Most men our age live by the rule “bros before hos.” If you think you connected with your ex’s friend and you just picked the wrong guy to date first, you may be right. But there is nothing you can do now.
The friend still might get between the sheets with you (because he’s heard all about how good you are in bed), but don’t ever expect him to choose you over your ex. His loyalty will always be to his friend.
Lastly, be wary when dating at work. If you date or sleep with a co-worker, the awkwardness that may follow a break up has the potential to ruin your professional life. If you do decide to pursue a sexual relationship, make sure to make it good and do it somewhere worthwhile. It will likely only happen once or twice, and the memory of how hot it was will have to get you through your workday.
As for the best men, I’m afraid I have some bad news. If there were an amazing type that we could all date, I wouldn’t be single. What I do know is that the prime choice tends not to fit into a generalized personality category.
As third-year psychology student Janene Dorio puts it, “I don’t think I could ever stereotype my greatest love.”
He may in fact be the musician, the athlete or even the dreaded golden boy, but with the right person, none of that matters.
He is the person who wants to be your pen pal, takes you to the airport at 6 a.m. and brings your mom flowers when he comes to dinner on Mother’s Day.
He’s never perfect, and your relationship is usually far from ideal, but, trust me, he’s the real keeper.
If you would like to add to the list or think Forde got it wrong, e-mail her at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.