Don’t choose your friends to match your outfit

Last time I checked, you couldn’t carry around a gay man in a little bag with a ventilation screen like you would a tiny lapdog.

So why do we sometimes treat gay men like our new accessories, living things that we can dress up and carry around with us wherever we go?

I can’t recall just how many times I have heard the phrase, “Aw, I want a gay guy friend!” And, I’ll admit, I’ve even spoken it a few times before.

But we shouldn’t be treating gay men like the new Coach purse. In turn, it seems that what makes them special to us is their sexual orientation and not their individual personalities.

There are, of course, legitimate reasons that some girls may prefer gay men as friends.

“Girls and gay males do not feel threatened by each other, since there is no sexual tension between them,” said Matthew Kugizaki, a statistics graduate student.

Yet what I have discovered, especially after my own scope of friends has diversified, is that we cannot have expectations to obtain a friend simply because it would be beneficial for us or because they would fulfill a certain role in our lives.

All of us have, at one time or another, been assigned common stereotypes that people use to generalize about an aspect of our lives. While these assumptions can seem positive, the fact is that we are still being grouped into one generic identity.

Lauren Carden, a recent UCLA graduate, agrees with the hidden negativity in stereotyping: “When you actually think about what you are saying, you realize how derogatory the statement is. Saying you want a gay friend is like saying you want an Asian friend or a black friend, which obviously sounds very outdated.”

And while gay guys may like the attention, it is still hurtful at times because the stereotype that all gay men are outlandish and fashionable is also not always true.

For people to assume that all gay men have the same characteristics counteracts the positive action of accepting everyone regardless of sexual orientation. Choosing a friend because he’s gay is still making a choice based on something that shouldn’t even be a factor. There is a lot of potential for great friendships and neither sex, ethnicity nor sexuality should affect your decision.

In addition, it is not often that we hear people say they want a lesbian or transgender friend. Perhaps we aren’t making decisions because we want different perspectives than ours. Maybe it is more for the novelty of what a gay male friend is supposed to promise us.

“We have grown up in a society that has tried to create a label for each individual person, and people are judged on those labels. It is hurtful to be labeled as specifically one thing and to be sought after for that,” said Tanya Barnett, a fourth-year political science student.

Our society expects everyone to fit nicely into certain categories, but it is up to us to go against these stereotypes. No one wants to be judged based on a universal belief about their identity, and yet we sometimes forget to do the same for others.

So abandon the stereotyping ““ negative and positive. Friends should be made based on how they treat you, not how well they match with your outfit.

Do you think small lapdogs are more frightening than cute? E-mail Poblador at bpoblador@media.ucla.edu. General comments can be sent to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.

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