Last week, the networks announced their fall schedules and, of course, they are filled with sex, violence, and dancing, singing blackjack dealers. I’ve rated each network’s schedule based on shows I’m excited about, shows I’m not so hot on, and asking what’s up with a certain aspect of programming. Without further ado, here’s my fall preview.
NBC ““ The same day I wrote a column praising NBC, they announced this uninspiring lineup. Thanks guys.
Most excited for: “The Bionic Woman.” Yeah, it’s a remake of a cheesy ’70s show, but David Eick is involved. The last time he helped reimagine a show, we got “Battlestar Galactica.”
Least excited for: “Lipstick Jungle.” Based on a book by “Sex and the City” scribe Candace Bushnell and starring Brooke Shields. Slightly more interesting than a “Suddenly Susan” marathon.
What’s with … NBC’s lack of stones? They bring “Friday Night Lights” back, then exile it to Fridays at 10 p.m. They develop a hit in “Heroes,” then make a “spin-off” series (“Heroes: Origins”) to capitalize on it. Instead of taking a chance on new comedies, they bring back “Scrubs,” which is way past its prime. To top it off, “Law & Order” is back because Dick Wolf wants it to run longer than “Gunsmoke.” No wonder NBC is in the toilet.
ABC ““ I was shocked that ABC ordered 11 new shows as they weren’t in need of a major overhaul. Yet they already have a guaranteed hit in “Private Practice,” the “Grey’s Anatomy” spin-off.
Most excited for: “Pushing Daisies.” A “police procedural/comedy/romance” about a man who can reanimate the dead for one minute. It’s by Bryan Fuller, who created the similar “Dead Like Me,” a fantastic little gem of a show.
Least excited for: “Cavemen” and “Carpoolers.” Two of the lamest concepts of all time. “Cavemen” is an insane idea like “Alf,” except painfully unfunny. (A preview clip on ABC.com shows cavemen making puns with the word “Cro-Magnon.” Didn’t see that coming.)
“Carpoolers” is about guys who drive to work in the carpool lane, which sounds limiting at best.
What’s with … “Cavemen?” The show did lead to a George Lopez tirade about getting canceled in favor of cavemen. Unfortunately, that’ll likely be the funniest thing it does.
CBS ““ Recognizing that it can’t rely on crime shows forever, CBS took a chance with the most interesting lineup … even if it did whiff on its best pilot.
Most excited for: “Viva Laughlin!” A delightfully ridiculous concept ““ a musical about a failing casino in Nevada. In the grand tradition of failed musicals like “Cop Rock,” I’m praying this is successful.
Least excited for: “Moonlight.” About a cop who’s actually a vampire. Sounds like “Angel.” Truthfully, this is a harmless show that’ll likely be gone by midseason. I’m more angry because it got picked up in favor of another show.
What’s with … not picking up “Babylon Fields?” This pilot, my most anticipated, was a comedy/drama about people dealing with the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse.
But clearly, a show about a vampire detective is way more interesting than friggin’ zombies. Duh.
The CW ““ Any allegiance I had to the CW ended when “Veronica Mars” tanked. But in the name of fairness, let’s look at their schedule.
Most excited for: “Reaper.” This one is about a slacker who finds out his parents sold his soul to the devil and now he must serve as Lucifer’s collector of souls … armed with a Dirt Devil. Plus, the pilot was directed by Kevin Smith. It deserves a chance.
Least excited for: Pretty much everything else: a collection of lousy reality shows, teen dramas and “7th Heaven” rip-offs. Snore.
What’s with … “Veronica Mars?” It’s canceled … then it’s not. Then it’s becoming “Veronica FBI”… then it’s not. Now CW President Dawn Ostroff says the show has been canceled “in its current incarnation” and its final fate won’t be decided until June 15. Hey, CW ““ make up your mind.
Fox ““ No network is more indebted to one show than Fox to “American Idol.” Plus, with baseball delaying its fall season, this is the toughest network to analyze.
Most excited for: “K-Ville.” About cops working in post-Katrina New Orleans, starring Anthony Anderson, whose acting chops should be taken seriously after his run on FX’s “The Shield.”
Hopefully this one doesn’t shy away from one of the biggest disasters in American history ““ there’s definite potential here.
Least excited for: “New Amsterdam.” An immortal cop looks for his true love in New York City. Isn’t this same show on CBS? We’ll see which one lasts.
What’s with … “The Sarah Connor Chronicles?” It’s got franchise pedigree, but since it takes place between “Terminator 2″ and “Terminator 3,” how will they work the bots in? This could be a huge hit or a total disaster. … I’d bank more on the latter, as Fox holding it for midseason raises some eyebrows.
Now let’s see how spectacularly wrong I am this year. Because “Studio 60″ worked out so well.
Humphrey is more excited about the fifth and final season of “The Wire” than any of these shows. E-mail him at mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.