Bored in class? Done with the sudoku? Tired of reading about USAC?
Try this one on for size.
Reach into your pocket and pull out your cell phone.
Now, make sure you know exactly what time it is and, without using the predictive text feature, type: “The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human.”
If you have done this in less than 43.24 seconds, call up Guinness because you are now the world’s fastest text messager.
If not, then you’re human.
For those of us who are not Kimberly Yeo, who holds the world record for the fastest texting of that very message, texting is nothing more than easy communication. However, that is just a common misperception.
You could say texting is quickly becoming the top sport of the 21st century. You could say it has taken a Bruce Lee kung fu grip on everyone under the age of 65, all over the world. And you might even say that texting is the most entertaining sport to watch this side of Mongolian ice fishing.
But here’s the best part about it: A 13-year-old girl just took the throne as the U.S. text messaging champion on Saturday. Since when do 13-year-olds win national championships in anything but whining? This is basically the equivalent of Spud Webb playing center for the Warriors, John Madden coming out of retirement to coach the Cowboys, or the Cubs winning the World Series.
It just doesn’t happen.
The contest was basically a huge text-off with over 250 challengers. A variety of messages were shown on an overhead screen until the men (and teenage girls) were separated from the boys.
The 13-year-old winner of the first annual U.S. Championship, Morgan Pozgar, proved that her title run was no fluke. She beat out a stacked field of expert texters, including reigning West Coast belt-holder Eli Tirosh.
With spelling and punctuation all taken into account, the final few rounds were more pressurized than flying high altitudes with a bad cold.
“My hands started to shake. I couldn’t get my apostrophe,” semi-finalist Anne Finn told ABC News.
Finn wasn’t the only one who couldn’t handle the heat. In the championship showdown between Pozgar and Tirosh, the West Coast champion made a spelling mistake as she tried to type the lyrics to the song “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” It cost her $15,000 in prize money.
Tirosh shouldn’t feel so bad, though. She lost to a girl who practices year-round, every day. Pozgar sends about 8,000 texts a month to her friends ““ that’s one every five and a half minutes.
For Michael “Cheeser” Nguyen, who has 10 years and an engineering degree on the 13-year-old, falling to Pozgar in the East Coast final was about more than just the text messages.
“I just wasn’t fast enough,” Nguyen told ABC News. “I just got beaten by a teenage girl, but, you know.”
Don’t worry about it, Cheeser. Spud Webb may never play center and the Cubs may never win the World Series but, man, those girls can text.
E-mail Feder at jfeder@media.ucla.edu if you can beat 2:57.