When I was four years old, my mother would read a bedtime story to me every night before I drifted off into silent slumber.
Most of the time, she would read “Goodnight Moon” by Margaret Wise Brown ““ I can still vividly recall the image of the cow jumping over the moon ““ or “Love You Forever” by Robert N. Munsch, the book cover of which features a brown-haired toddler who has happily thrown toilet paper all over the bathroom.
If I had been born in 2003, however, my mother could very possibly be reading “The English Roses” by Madonna to me each evening.
No, that’s not a misprint ““ the Material Girl is one of the many celebrities embarking on a new career: children’s book author.
I’m not against Madonna tackling the world of children’s literature ““ or any other celebrity, for that matter.
But it’s quite jarring when searching for books by Madonna on Amazon.com yields children’s books side by side with “Sex” (1992), a book featuring Madge making out with Naomi Campbell and walking naked down the street with Vanilla Ice.
Madonna is just one of the latest to hop on the “I’m a celebrity so why don’t I write a children’s book” bandwagon. From John Lithgow and Larry King to Spike Lee and John Travolta, the list of celebrity children’s authors is growing ““ and shows no signs of stopping.
It’s easy to see why a book authored by a celebrity would be attractive to a publisher: big, well-known figure plus book equals major profits. Case in point: As of November 2004, Madonna had sold over 1 million copies of her first three children’s books, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
This makes sense if the celebrity was writing, say, a memoir, or even a novel that is thinly veiled as fiction (Nicole Richie’s “The Truth About Diamonds,” anyone?).
But children’s books? Why would someone like Whoopi Goldberg want to write for an audience that has likely never heard of her and would rather spend more time with some PB&J and shovels in a sandbox?
And, more importantly, with a number of these “authors” coming to the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books this weekend, are these books any good?
In an effort to do research for this column ““ or, actually, just to relive my childhood ““ I spent some time lazily thumbing through celebrity children’s books.
First, I checked out Billy Crystal’s 2004 book, “I Already Know I Love You.”
Inside the front flap, Crystal writes, “Based on the author’s own experience, “˜I Already Know I Love You’ describes the cavalcade of feelings that comes with being a grandfather for the very first time.”
Cavalcade? What 5-year-old even knows what that word means, much less cares about how he’ll feel 70 years from now? (For the record, cavalcade means a succession or series of something.)
Jamie Lee Curtis’s books, however, looked much more promising. The “A Fish Called Wanda” star is actually credited with making it fashionable to write for a child audience after she released her first children’s book, “When I Was Little: A Four-Year-Old’s Memoir of Her Youth” in 1993.
Her 2004 book, “It’s Hard to Be Five: Learning How to Work My Control Panel,” attracted my attention, so I investigated its pictures and singsong rhymes to see if it was worthy of said 5-year-olds.
I have to admit, my initial reaction was one of disdain: If it’s hard to be 5, just wait until you’re 21 and about to graduate from college with no clue about your future.
But I was slowly drawn to Laura Cornell’s bright, cheery illustrations and started humming Curtis’s words: “It’s hard to be five. Just yelled at my brother. My mind says do one thing, my mouth says another.”
After glancing at other celebrity children’s books, including “Halloween” by Jerry Seinfeld and “Jag” by LeAnn Rimes, I’ve concluded that, while celebrities may not exhibit a talent for these kinds of books, they shouldn’t be ostracized from the field of children’s literature.
Because whether the book is written by Julie Andrews or Rosemary Wells, give a 4-year-old a picture of a cow jumping over the moon with a few lines of text, and she’ll be entertained for hours.
And that, dear reader, is priceless.
Fylstra finds Henry Winkler’s new children’s book to be more page-turning than her neuroscience textbook. E-mail her at jfylstra@media.ucla.edu.