Children are sexual beings. Obviously not for our, or any older person’s, sexual pleasure, but rather autonomous sexual people.
After all, we’re all born with genitals and many of us touch them from an early age. But while we’re born with the equipment and the desire, we’re not born with the knowledge. We have no idea as children what sex or sexuality means, and how it applies to us. That’s all information we have to learn.
However, as curious children start trying to find answers to their questions, they are faced with obstacles. Namely, the fact that most parents would rather never discuss anything regarding sex or sexuality with their children. For some reason they think information is better learned elsewhere.
And the most accessible information with regard to sex and sexuality is from magazines, TV and the Internet ““ mass media.
But, considering the recent report from the American Psychological Association on the sexualization of girls, I don’t think we want young girls getting answers to their questions from their TVs.
This report concluded that the sexualization of girls in modern society has had a negative psychological impact on them. Specifically images of girls that are only valued for their sex appeal and the unattainable ideals of what society deems is sexy cause girls to be self-conscious, or even develop depression or eating disorders.
While sexualized ideals and images aren’t the same thing as the actual act of sex, it’s all linked. Sex education not only should include a frank definition of what sex is, but what it means to be attracted to someone, to be an attractive person, etc., but all of this starts with frank discussions about sex.
The fault doesn’t just fall on parents ““ as a society we veer away from having frank discussions about sex.
Schools also stay away from any information that might be too sexual. Recently, a children’s book titled “Higher Power of Lucky” created havoc by using the word “scrotum.” Librarians and educators debated whether they should stock the book. And it was only the word that was the problem ““ the book had almost nothing to do with sex.
Dumbing down sexual information for children by calling their genitals a “pee pee” or refusing to discuss the truth about sex doesn’t save their innocence. Rather, it tells children that their parents, or teachers, aren’t the people to go to when they want truthful answers to their questions about sex and sexuality.
The APA report, realizing that parents are going to have to play a part in changing this pattern, includes a “What Parents Can Do” guide. It suggests parents, to counter the sexualized images of girls on TV, try to engage their daughters in conversations. Topics of conversation include why their daughter feels she has to wear revealing clothing or why she thinks girls want to be thin.
But once children are faced with these issues it’s too late. Children should have an idea of what a healthy sexual identity is before they’re ever confronted with the negative images of popular society.
Not all parents have issues having open and honest conversations about sex with their children. A New York Times article detailed a trend of parents who believe in sex education from birth. Instead of calling their child’s genitals a “pee pee,” they use “penis” or “vagina.” When their child asks where they came from, they get a frank, honest answer.
They trust their children with information about their own bodies. And because the parent has been so direct with them, it opens up communication so that their child can later be frank with their parents.
Who knows if this actually works for everybody. And if it does, considering the power of mass media and the many other ways women are sexualized in negative ways, it obviously isn’t the only answer.
But I doubt it does harm. If anything, it seems as if it would demystify sex, making it easier for the child to have open discussions with their parents and generally be more prepared to realize that what a magazine is telling them is not the correct answer, and definitely not the only one.
If we become more open with children, hopefully it will result in a society that can more easily discuss sexual issues. After all, increasing children’s vocabulary to include words such as penis, vagina and scrotum isn’t telling them about body parts they didn’t know they had, but providing them with the words to talk about them.
E-mail Loewenstein at lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.