When college students attend social events in hopes of finding someone they are attracted to, it is typical to develop an affinity to a physically good-looking member of the opposite sex.
What most students do not realize is that the force of attraction is not only a result of physical attributes. Buried within the sexual urges and usual modes of attraction lies some psychological mechanisms that help individuals differentiate between a temporary or long-term relationship.
Researchers agree that factors outside of people’s awareness, such as scent, symmetry and fond memories, can have an enormous impact on who they are attracted to and how they choose to deal with those feelings.
Beginning as early as late childhood, one of the most important factors in deciding who a person is attracted to is the type of relationship they have had with an important person in their past, such as a parent or sibling, said Susan Andersen, professor of psychology at New York University.
An individual’s memory consists of “bundles of knowledge” about these significant people that can be unconsciously triggered by others. As a result, the individual is left with an impression of the new person that is similar to a significant person from their past, Andersen said.
“If the mental representation is from a positive person in your past, you will be more inclined to like and approach the new person,” she said.
This makes an individual more willing to open up to this new person, because they attribute these positive traits to the unconscious, mental representation of the person they actually do like and trust. Memories triggered about a negative person from a person’s past can have the opposite effect, she added.
But familiarity alone does not induce attraction.
Other factors that cause someone to be attracted to a person are the physical traits they are looking for, though the individual may not be aware that they are attracted to those attributes.
Women unknowingly look for men who have greater facial symmetry, and men are more attracted to women with a specific waist-to-hip ratio, said Martie Haselton, professor of communication studies and psychology.
But it is not the actual symmetry that women are attracted to, because that is something that is scientifically measured and cannot be perceived by the naked eye, Haselton said. Rather, women are attracted to the physiological results of a symmetrical face.
“It is the things correlated with more symmetrical faces that women are attracted to, such as masculinity and specific body scents,” Haselton added. “Men with more symmetrical faces have different body scents, and women are more attracted to that scent than the scent of other men, especially when the woman is most fertile within the ovulatory cycle.”
While women are subject to the influence that facial symmetry has on attraction, men are attracted to other specific physical cues, such as the shape of a woman’s body.
Men are more drawn to women who have “curves,” which is a ratio that can be calculated by dividing a woman’s waist measurement by her hip measurement.
In most cultures in which it has been investigated, a ratio of 0.7 has been attributed to attractiveness, Haselton said.
“This ratio is indicative of a woman’s fertility, and although men may be unaware of it, it’s a reason that they find curvy women attractive,” Haselton said.
Still, other factors that a person may not be aware of can influence who we are likely to be drawn to.
Many young people, specifically students, are attracted to people with whom they share similar experiences, said Gail Wyatt, psychologist and professor in the psychiatry department of the Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior at UCLA.
Another factor that determines the level of attraction between two people is the emotional state of an individual during the time at which they meet, Wyatt added.
“If two people meet, and one of them is in a state of fear or anxiety, he or she may be attracted to someone who at the time is able to alleviate those feelings,” she said.
Wyatt advised that individuals should evaluate whether the feelings they develop at the time of emotional vulnerability are a result of genuine, long-lasting attraction or the temporary comfort the other person has provided.
“It’s important to … know yourself; you should look back and evaluate whether the feelings were temporary or if it’s a long-lasting attraction,” Wyatt said.
No matter what the psychological reasons for being attracted to someone may be, it’s important to trust your instincts and not fight those feelings, said psychologist and relationship expert Tay Sandoz.
“Entering a relationship and having it not work out is all part of the learning experience, and learning what you are and are not attracted to is important in having successful long-term relationships.”