All I remember before the crash is Scarlett Johansson’s
face.
As I wake up in the hospital bed, I struggle to connect the
dots. There I was, driving to Hyde Lounge to do some celebrity
sighting at 1 a.m. There were the usual reckless drivers, leaving
the club with too much Cristal in their bloodstream. And there was
Scarlett, driving in the oncoming lane like a maniacal speed
demon.
I wonder if she was intoxicated when she slammed into my red
Corvette?
I’m about to ask the nurse what really happened, when
suddenly, my roommate yells, “Julianne! Time for
class!”
No broken bones? Check. No blood? Check.
All right, so that was actually just a dream that I had last
night. But with Hollywood’s recent trend in female celebrity
auto escapades, I’d say my dream could be a possibility one
day.
Take Nicole Kidman. The beautiful Aussie actress and current
Mrs. Keith Urban was rushed to the hospital last Wednesday night
after being involved in a car accident on the set of her new movie,
“The Invasion.”
Kidman had been filming a scene where she was driving a car to
flee from some creepy-looking zombies. While she successfully
dodged the undead monsters, she couldn’t avoid what happened
next.
A stunt truck, which was towing Kidman’s car to make it
appear that she was driving the car in the movie, skidded out of
control and slammed into a light post.
True, Kidman wasn’t actually driving the car, and yes, the
“Moulin Rouge” star survived unscathed. But according
to TMZ.com, LAPD said eight people were injured.
And what’s more, not all female celebrity car crashes are
that benign.
R&B singer Brandy was involved in a fatal car crash in
December 2006. She was driving on the 405 Freeway going 65 mph and
didn’t notice that traffic had slowed down considerably.
According to TMZ.com, Brandy’s vehicle hit a 2005 Toyota.
The Toyota ended up hitting the center divider, where it was hit by
another car. The passenger in the Toyota was taken to the hospital
and died the next day.
In fact, December just wasn’t a very good month for female
celebrity drivers.
Nicole Richie was pulled over on suspicion of DUI after driving
the wrong way on the 134 Freeway in Burbank. She told authorities
that she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot before getting behind the
wheel.
Maybe she was inspired by her “Simple Life” co-star
Paris Hilton.
The celebrity heiress, who catapulted to fame after her infamous
sex tape, was arrested on DUI suspicion on Sept. 7, 2006.
Hilton recently pled no contest to alcohol-related reckless
driving. Good for you, Paris ““ at least you’re being
honest. Major props.
Not that the $390 fine you have to pay will put a dent in your
wallet. Oh well.
All I’m saying is, if I had a 16-year-old daughter who
spent hours reading fashion magazines and idolizing stars like
Lindsay Lohan, I’d be terrified to let her out on the
road.
With the current state of celebrity drivers, it’s a wonder
that MADD hasn’t gone mad yet.
Sure, Los Angeles has a reputation for having more terrible
drivers per square mile than the number of hairs on my head, but
when you’re that high-profile, isn’t it possible to be
a bit more careful about your driving habits?
Knowing how hard teenyboppers try to act like their celebrity
idols ““ remember when 5-year-olds were wearing ridiculously
skimpy navel-bearing outfits in an effort to look like Britney
Spears? ““ I’d be shaking in my knickers to see what
happens when these starry-eyed high school kids get behind the
wheel.
Listen well, all female celebrities in Hollywood: Let’s
try to get through one month with no DUIs, car accidents, or
otherwise automobile-related catastrophes.
Don’t do it for me. Do it for the kids.
If you’ve ever tried to dress like Britney Spears,
e-mail Fylstra at jfylstra@media.ucla.edu.