You and your best friend are the epitome of BFF (Best Friends
Forever, for those of you who weren’t in on the middle school
lingo).
You live together and you drunk-dial each other proclaiming your
love. You can even talk about everything from politics to the
multifaceted nature of Will Ferrell.
That is, until your best friend gets a significant other.
All of a sudden BFFs become more like Best Friends Until They
Get Boyfriends or Girlfriends (BFUTGBG, if you will).
So you joke with your friend about how you’ll never hang
out anymore, and your friend assured you that nothing is going to
change.
Coincidentally, since that fateful conversation, it’s been
about two weeks since you’ve seen or even spoken to one
another.
As the best friend, what do you do?
“Honestly, I want to slap them … And if I hang out with
them, I talk less because it’s awkward, and I look away a
lot, especially if there’s a lot of PDA,” admitted Paul
Karaiakoubian, a fourth-year sociology student.
So are we bad people for having such strong reactions?
I say no. Let’s be honest here: We know that as much as we
try to harden our hearts, it’s impossible.
We’ve tried to set up a defense mechanism, but how could
we ever be truly apathetic to the people who have seen us through
our best and our worst?
So we have to accept that the significant others are now a
permanent fixture in the group and even try to bond with them.
By “bond,” I mean “get drunk together.”
All of a sudden, I assure you, they won’t seem so bad
anymore. Ah, problem solved.
Therefore, you’ll go to these lengths because your best
friends are happy, and that really is important to you.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change how your
friend is acting.
You might plan perfunctory “maybe I can try to knock some
sense into them” talks, which (sorry to tell you) will
probably not do much.
Your best friends are quite happy in their isolated bubbles
o’ love.
Even if you try to explain how you feel, there will be a
rose-colored aural haze of the honeymoon phase that prevents the
comprehension of how upset or irritated you are.
“It’s understandable, but … it’s really
frustrating because once they break up it’s like, “˜Oh,
I’m back,'” said Scott Hulbert, a third-year
philosophy student.
Are we just being immature babies, or is it all their fault?
I believe that everyone’s got to accept a little of the
blame here.
First, we need to accept that things change and that friendships
change.
We know by now that life isn’t always going to go the way
we want. Roll with the punches ““ you’ll get bruised,
but at least you’ll learn.
At the same time, though, our best friends can also do a few
things when they find new lovers. For example: please remember that
the honeymoon phase is just that. A phase.
While your friends may have an excuse for the first couple
months, after that they’re just being lame friends.
It’s not a good sign when they turn into those couples you
used to mock who kiss each other good-bye if one of them so much as
goes to the bathroom.
Best friends: Love is great and all, but remember that there is
life beyond the relationship frontier.
Many think it is possible and necessary to maintain friendships
during a relationship.
“The worst thing to do is to give your all to a
relationship because once it ends, you’ll have nothing left.
… If you really care for your friends, you’ll make
time,” said Dieuam Phan, a third-year English student.
When in a relationship, it is not a good idea to isolate
yourself completely from all your friends because they will only be
able to take so much.
But let’s say, hypothetically speaking of course, the
breakup does occur: You’re not going to say “I told you
so” ““ as much as you’re really itching to.
Instead, you’re going to be there to drink, curse and move
on with them because that is what best friends do.
Besides, you’re starting to date someone you’re kind
of into, and it’ll finally be their turn to return the
favor.
Tired of being the third wheel or just dislike the wheel
analogy overall? E-mail Poblador at bpoblador@media.ucla.edu. Send
general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu