Rove and Relish with Leiti Hsu

I believe very little of my Chinese mom’s off-the-wall
claims about food.

She once told me that if you eat too many instant noodles, your
body will just lie there, preserved, after you die. To rot, or not
to rot? Which is worse?

I continue to take Mother’s advice with as much salt as is
in one of those addicting soup packets. But since childhood, I also
stopped overdosing on instant noodles and stopped priming my body
for a mummified afterlife.

There are yummier and more filling munchies out there,
especially at increasingly popular specialized supermarkets like
Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. I performed extensive taste
tests on myriad products from both chains. Forget carrot sticks and
yogurt; I sampled unique snacks that are healthful but, best of
all, still criminally indulgent.

Here are the resulting top 10, in no particular order.

1. Trader Joe’s Gone Bananas chocolate-dipped bananas:
With the carnival whimsy of cotton candy, but better and in the
comfort of home. If you love bananas, need I say more?

2. Whole Foods 365 Every Day Value Raisin Bran cereal: I was
never nutty about regular Raisin Bran, but after I bought this
version on a whim, now it’s all I eat. Raisins are naturally
sweet, so I’ve always wondered why the raisins in Raisin Bran
had to be coated with sugar. The raisins are left alone here, and
unlike their plebeian counterparts, these flakes don’t
deteriorate into a soggy bog the moment they touch milk.

3. Juice Squeeze (Whole Foods): I reflexively resisted when my
roommate suggested that I try a Juice Squeeze. I scoffed: Another
one of those silly carbonated fruity concoctions ruined with high
fructose corn syrup? But Juice Squeezes have convinced this water
junkie that there is hope out there. Seventy percent juice and the
rest lightly carbonated water, they come in escapist flavors like
mango-passion fruit, mountain berry and key lime.

4. Trader Joe’s Masala Tandoori Naan: This is a
curry-flavored Indian-style flatbread. Most Americanized ethnic
foods are nowhere near sufficiently spicy, but here I was
pleasantly surprised. Fresh, soft and embedded with fenugreek
leaves (a traditional curry spice that resembles thyme), I like to
toast it for texture and accompany with an olive tapenade.

5. Trader Joe’s “Avocado’s Number”
guacamole: This dip pays homage to you mathe-magicians out there;
the name is a play on Avogadro’s number. As the label says,
“Admittedly, there aren’t 6.0221367 x 10^23 avocados in
here, but 5 plus avo’s isn’t bad!” At $2.99
apiece, this godsend of modern grocery goodness costs less than if
you bought the five avocados fresh.

6. Organic or all-natural macaroni and cheese (Whole Foods): No
matter what brand, these boxed wonders are just as easy to prepare
as the Kraft variety. I’m able to enjoy a grown-up version of
the cheesiest of classics without the additives, so I feel good
about myself while I’m at it. I suggest Annie’s
Homegrown Wisconsin cheddar ““ it comes in the microwaveable
variety, just like Kraft Easy Mac.

7. Trader Joe’s frozen brown rice or jasmine rice: Try
this for perfect rice cooked faster than you can say
“I’m hungry.” Each box contains four
microwaveable packets which each equal two small servings or one
huge serving. Saves time when all you want are some carbs to escort
leftover stir-fry.

8. Trader Joe’s basil plant: Fresh herbs are pricey, but
they’re difficult to use up since a little goes a long way.
Basil in a pot (for only $2.99) is a perfect way to have the staple
around at all times, and you can even watch it grow. Roll the
leaves up lengthwise and chop into curly slivers ““ it’s
beautiful even on spaghetti.

9. Trader Joe’s “100 Calorie Packs”: Each
$1.99 box of chocolate graham crackers or oatmeal chocolate chip
cookies contains six individually wrapped portions. I like them
because they’re a portable party in my mouth for long
lectures.

10. Trader Joe’s frozen raspberries: Indispensable for
jazzing up your cereal. Or try them muddled in a cup of
clean-tasting, additive-free ice cream or frozen yogurt like
Breyer’s vanilla.

The next time you disappear down the rabbit hole of problem
sets, papers and pain, do yourself a favor and stock up.

After all, when it’s crunch time, it’s crunch
time.

Tell Hsu how you like your chocolate-dipped bananas at
lhsu@media.ucla.edu.

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