The summer before her freshman year, Elise Manbert was looking
forward to meeting her future roommate. The two had been e-mailing
each other for several weeks, and it seemed they would get
along.
“But once we met each other, things became very
awkward,” said Manbert, a second-year mathematics student.
“She would give me one-word answers, so we didn’t talk
to each other much at all. After the first day, we just tolerated
each other.”
While college can be a new and exciting time, with it comes the
challenge of learning to live with a roommate.
For some students, living with a roommate can be a positive
experience ““ and the person who was once a stranger can
become a friend.
“Many roommates develop supportive, long-lasting
relationships that help to see them through tough times,”
said Jack Gibbons, associate director of the Office of Residential
Life. “They often prefer living in a dynamic environment in
which people get to interact and know one another.”
But for other students, like Manbert, having a roommate becomes
a source of anxiety and discomfort.
Manbert said over the course of the year she began to feel
uncomfortable in her room and relieved when her roommate went home
for the weekends.
She became hesitant about inviting friends over to her room, as
they would try failingly to engage in conversation with her
roommate, creating an awkward atmosphere. But when her
roommate’s friends came over, they never acknowledged
Manbert, making Manbert feel invisible and uncomfortable.
“I was expecting to live with someone, but I felt like I
had to limit myself. I thought I had weird habits, and so I felt I
needed to hide them from her,” Manbert said.
This year, record numbers of students will be living on campus,
and as a result more students will be assigned to triples. In the
2006-2007 academic year, 97 percent of freshmen will live on
campus, as opposed to 92 percent in 2005-2006. With the increase in
on-campus residents, students will have to forge relationships with
more roommates, making positive communication between them
especially important.
Gibbons said that one of the most important ways to avoid
problems like Manbert’s is to have open and honest
communication between roommates.
“When you communicate, be respectful, be honest, be
open-minded when considering the other person’s lifestyle.
And think of the roommate experience as a learning
experience,” Gibbons said.
Manbert said that often her roommate would watch TV in their
room when she needed to study, forcing her to wear headphones or
leave the room. Though the disturbance irritated Manbert, she never
could bring herself to confront her roommate and communicate the
problem.
Reflecting on this experience, Manbert said she blamed
inadequate communication between herself and her roommate for their
uneasy living partnership.
“We didn’t really deal with our problems. I felt
awkward asking (my roommate) any questions and talking to her,
because I didn’t know what to say,” Manbert said.
Gibbons said ORL requires students to fill out roommate
contracts, which set rules and guidelines, early in the year before
problems arise.
If the roommates are still unable to develop a positive
relationship, Gibbons said ORL prefers them to first attempt to
work out the problem on their own and then to meet with their
RAs.
Robert Smith, a student affairs officer for UCLA Housing, said
residents may request a change of room assignment in extreme cases,
but noted that not all such requests are granted. Last year, 609
students received room transfers.
Alfred Hsing, an economics alumnus who graduated in 2006, had a
very different experience from Manbert and some other students who
request transfers. He said he has developed many strong,
long-lasting relationships with his past roommates.
“My current roommate is one of my really good
friends,” Hsing said. “We will probably know each other
beyond college so it shows that you should try to pick carefully
because you definitely bond with your roommates and can create
lasting memories.”