In order to graduate, you will sit through four years of tedious
speeches.
There are the boring, redundant lectures given at orientation
that warn you not to cheat ““ complete with cheesy video
footage of a student who not only got kicked out of UCLA for
plagiarism but couldn’t even get accepted by USC
afterward.
There are the lectures you’ll sit through for your General
Education classes, only to spend the time doing the crossword
puzzle and wondering why you got out of bed to come to class in the
first place.
Add to that a few slow upper-division classes, and that’s
a whole lot of long lectures to sit through.
So what reward are you given after 12 quarters of agonizing ear
ennui?
One last boring ““ and for some, insulting ““
lecture.
The icing on the dull cake is that you will listen to these
speeches in the heat, nearly sweating through the polyester sack
you will be forced to wear.
It has been a tradition of many universities to acquire
well-known commencement speakers. Because you’ve been cooped
up in the library studying for the past four years, college
administrators want to do you a favor and introduce you to somebody
famous.
They want to expose you to the world beyond sweat pants and
greasy pizza.
Unfortunately for the students, Britney Spears and P. Diddy
charge a little too much, so the university looks to a
politician.
And as we all know, speeches given by politicians are generally
as exciting as a USAC election.
Furthermore, politicians who speak at commencements know
they’re speaking to an audience with the lowest voter turnout
of all demographic groups.
As a result, politicians who give commencement speeches
generally don’t address the graduates.
Sure, they’ll reference your class, and occasionally look
straight at you, but they’re really using that podium to
publicize their own agendas.
A superb example of this was when Secretary of State Condoleezza
Rice addressed graduates at Boston University, a Catholic
school.
Professors and students protested the decision to invite her to
speak because they felt her support for the war conflicted with the
religious beliefs that the school promotes.
She was not only invited to speak, but also given an honorary
degree. Why? Because the secretary of state is a nice notch on
Boston University’s commencement speakers belt, and as a
politician Rice needs good publicity.
It’s a perfectly symbiotic relationship.
Almost. For the students who are graduating, the people who are
supposed to be the focus of attention, those being honored by the
ceremony, it is a parasitic relationship.
When Sen. John McCain spoke at the graduation of the New School,
a university in New York, one of the student speakers spent her
whole speech refuting his claims, and protestors turned their backs
on him and jeered.
It’s no wonder. According to the New York Times, McCain
“reiterated his defense of the war.”
That’s exactly what I want to hear when I graduate from
UCLA.
Not “good job” or “the government will
reimburse you for those tuition fees.” What I really want is
a speech designed to bolster someone’s campaign for the
presidency.
How exciting.
Although Villaraigosa is not as controversial a figure as Rice
or McCain, that doesn’t mean the students want to hear from
him. Which is why I must make a radical proposal: The graduates
should get to vote for their graduation speaker.
I asked graduating senior Vivian Shih, an ecology and
evolutionary biology student, what she thought about this idea.
She noted that many graduates skip graduation ceremonies, and
allowing students to vote for a speaker they liked would
“probably increase attendance.”
College graduates have been through a lot. They endure sleepless
finals weeks and juggle the demands of work, school and
partying.
They deserve a day dedicated to them and what they want. Or at
the very least, a ceremony they feel is worth attending.
At this point in one’s college career, one more boring
speech is all it will take to incinerate the few remaining bits of
sanity left in a graduate’s skull.
Let’s be kind, and for once in their college careers tell
graduates exactly what they want to hear.
If you’d like to vote for Strickland to speak at your
commencement, e-mail the chancellor. You can also contact her
at
kstrickland@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.