The annual ritual of television networks announcing their
prime-time line-ups reminds me of drafting my fantasy baseball
team. There are many similarities: roundtable discussions, heated
bidding wars, and most importantly, the smug grins everyone wears
upon the completion of it all. Every time I draft, I leave thinking
I have the best team and that no one can possibly equal my
collection of proven all-stars and players on the verge of breaking
out. Networks are likely no different, thinking that their new
shows will score boffo ratings.
Cut to two months later when Justin Morneau is hitting .200 and
I’m watching a box score update at work on the verge of
tears. I’d imagine ABC executives doing something similar as
“Commander in Chief” drops from the season’s
highest-rated new show to canceled status in just a few months.
Now, here we are as the networks announce their new pickups and
lineup changes. And, like any fan of television, I’ve begun
to take stock of what’s out there and what I’m
personally looking forward to, come September. Therefore,
I’ve decided to run down the major networks’ lineups to
make sense of it all.
NBC: The peacock is in a position similar to the one ABC found
itself in two years ago. The network has fallen sharply in the
ratings, but its fall schedule is capable of delivering a huge
turnaround. First up is “West Wing” creator Aaron
Sorkin’s “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” a
dramedy following the backstage goings-on at a fictional SNL-type
show. With a cast featuring Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet and Bradley
Whitford and a tone similar to Sorkin’s brilliant
“Sports Night,” “Studio 60″ could soar.
However, its success is not assured; it’s currently scheduled
to air on Thursdays at 9, against “CSI,” “The
OC” and the newly moved “Grey’s Anatomy.”
That’s a bloodbath if I’ve ever seen one.
I’m also looking forward to “Heroes,” a show
about regular people who find out that they have superpowers. The
concept of superheroes living in the real world is nothing new, but
if the show resembles the classic comic “Watchmen,”
then count me in. Unfortunately, come January the show will be up
against Fox’s “24.” Ouch.
Also premiering are “Friday Night Lights,” based on
the movie (how this translates to TV, I have no idea);
“Kidnapped,” a serialized drama about the abduction of
a wealthy teenager; and “30 Rock,” another
“backstage at a faux Saturday Night Live” show, this
one created by and starring Tina Fey. Personally, I’ll be
watching “Studio 60″ and “Heroes,” but
overall NBC’s new shows are the most interesting and
diverse.
ABC: The Alphabet’s new shows seem to be jumping on all
sorts of gimmicky bandwagons. For instance, the network is running
two shows that seem to be clear rip-offs of “Lost,” one
from J.J. Abrams himself. “The Nine” follows people who
were once hostages in a bank standoff and whose lives continue to
intersect. Every episode shows another 10 minutes of what occurred
during the 52-hour standoff. Sounds like “Lost” minus
the island and intrigue. The Abrams show, “Six
Degrees,” is even more bland: the lives of random strangers
intersect. However, I can pretty much guarantee that “Six
Degrees” will have a mind-blowing pilot, like all Abrams
shows do. Beyond that is anyone’s guess.
ABC’s schedule is filled with bland fare, the notable
exception being the network’s midseason show “Day
Break.” The show stars Taye Diggs as a cop who keeps reliving
the same day, “Groundhog Day” style. Of course, there
is a mystery tied into all this. If done right, this could be a
fascinating serialized drama. When the most exciting show is a
midseason replacement, however, I’m not sure how well that
bodes for the network’s chances.
CBS: America’s most-watched network is premiering only
four new shows, and shockingly, none are procedural crime dramas.
For a network whose shows are usually blase, these new ones pack
both star power and interesting premises.
The Eye’s new show that has me the most excited is
“Jericho,” a drama about a small town in Kansas that
one day wakes up to a mushroom cloud on the horizon. The show
chronicles the town’s descent into madness and probes into
the different characters’ psyches. If this show has a tone
closer to the classic TV movie “The Day After” than
something like “Atomic Train,” it could offer a
provocative social study. Add it to the TiVo queue.
CBS also has “Shark,” a legal drama starring James
Woods. “Shark” sounds like “House” in a
courtroom “˜ a difficult prosecutor takes a bunch of neophytes
through a trial-by-fire while working with a ridiculously hot
supervisor (“Star Trek: Voyager’s” Jeri Ryan).
And with Woods starring, I can at least count on great performances
week in and week out.
Fox: The most frustrating network returns with a puke-worthy
slate of new shows. Every now and then Fox will debut a stellar
show like “24,” “House” or “Arrested
Development,” but more often than not Fox’s good shows
get shuttled to different time slots and canceled.
The lone interesting new show, is “Vanished,” yet
another serialized drama, this one about the kidnapping of a
senator’s wife. That doesn’t mean I’ll watch it,
however. The new shows showcase descriptive, one-word titles such
as “Stand-Off” and “Justice,” which is
about high-profile legal cases. (INNOVATION!!!)
Fox is also debuting two comedies, “‘Til
Death” and “Happy Hour.” It doesn’t really
matter which is which. They’ll likely both be canceled by
Thanksgiving.
In the meantime, I’ll watch “House” and await
the return of “24.”
The CW: The amalgam of what used to be UPN and the WB
doesn’t have much new fare, if only because it had so much
existing programming. There’s “Runaway,” a show
about a family on the run that stars Donnie Wahlberg, and
“The Game,” a spin-off of
“Girlfriends.”
There are three notable things about the CW’s lineup: One,
it does not include the show based on “Aquaman” that
was long-rumored to be on the network. Two, it has basically
ensured the death of “Everybody Hates Chris” by putting
it on at 7 p.m. on Sundays (the same night that all of UPN’s
comedies seem to have ended up). And three, “Veronica
Mars” has returned with “Gilmore Girls” on
Tuesday nights. “Veronica” is all that matters on the
CW to me, so I’m happy.
There you have it: hours upon hours of television for us to
waste our lives watching. Will it all be good? No way. Yet
I’ll still tune in for all the new brain-rotting
amusement.
If only because I have nothing better to do.
Writing about all this television has driven Humphrey more
insane than an episode of “Space Ghost Coast to Coast.”
E-mail him at mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.