Pansy. Wimp. Softy. Coaches and teammates in all sports are full
of these jeers and insults shouted to motivate players when they
seem to be easing up. No less common or cutting is the term
“mama’s boy.” Traditionally and pejoratively used
to put down young men for being too close or dependant on their
moms, a mama’s boy is not something you want to be.
That’s over. I’m putting my foot down. As a belated
Mother’s Day present to all our moms, consider this a
manifesto in defense of the mama’s boy. Consider me the Kanye
West of the sports section, and this is “Hey Mama.”
I have to credit my mom in large part for my sports writing.
While my dad is a writer, it was my mom who introduced me to the
legendary “Green Eggs and Ham” (a great novel if you
haven’t had the chance to read it) back in preschool, which
was huge in setting me on the writing path.
It was also my mom who taught me how to shut up when it was time
to. My mom hated the phrase “shut up,” so in
kindergarten I had to invent my own word to take its place. I went
to the drawing board with all the letters I had recently learned to
scribble and the result was ADORCXSOR, 6-year-old speak for,
“Be quiet, now.”
It came in handy big-time when I went to a Trinidad and Tobago
v. Mexico soccer game in Oakland, cheering for T&T while
surrounded by Mexico fans.
It cost me when Mom wasn’t in mind. Filling in on the
offensive line in middle school football hit me hard when I was big
on trash-talking but not in size. I beckoned the player on the
other team to “bring it.” He did. I was run over. While
lying on my back in the grass I looked over and saw my dad
chuckling. ADORCXSOR would’ve been great then.
Bill Cosby has a classic routine about fatherhood and sports. He
talks about fathers as their sons’ biggest fans. They take
their kids to countless practices and games only to see them at the
sidelines on television shouting at the camera, “I love you,
Mom!”
You can depend on hearing this exclamation at least once every
sports broadcast. It is as dependable as someone shouting that
they’re going to Disneyland after winning the Super Bowl.
The biggest, meanest linemen in football look right into the
camera and send the love, so here it comes from the press box.
Picture me wearing pads, with bruises and holding a microphone:
“Mama, I love you.”
I’m a mama’s boy. I appreciate how she comes to me
with all the sports questions in crosswords puzzles. It’s fun
to play the expert.
My mom also understands that Linda Cohn, a longtime SportsCenter
anchor, can fill in as my secondary mother when she is busy.
It’s natural for boys to grow up, leave home, and become
their own people ““ whether athlete, journalist or otherwise.
But this doesn’t have to mean they’ll never think of
home. So Mom, I’m proposing a bargain: I’ll always be
there to answer the sports questions in your crossword puzzles, if
you show up to yell ADORCXSOR next time I’m playing
football.
E-mail Gordon at
bgordon@media.ucla.edu if you’re a member of Mama Boy
Nation.