TV execs must drop “˜Heaven,’ return to “˜Mars’

For fans of television, mid-May is both an extremely exciting
and potentially harrowing time of year. On one hand, shows are
delivering exciting season-ending arcs. On the other, mid-May is
also the time that networks put together their schedules for the
next television season. And if you watch as much TV as me, this can
be a truly frightening scenario.

I’ve held my breath in May awaiting the fate of some of my
favorite TV shows. In 2002, I cringed daily when reading about the
status of Fox’s “24,” which current fans may be
surprised to know wasn’t popular during its first season.
First, it didn’t look like the show would return, and then
there were whispers that it would return without the real-time
format because network executives thought that viewers found this
confusing and inaccessible. Luckily, neither of these things
happened. “24” without real-time is like “That
70s Show” without Topher Grace (oh, wait … ).

Now, in 2006, I and about 2.6 million other people face a
frightening week of waiting, as network execs at CBS and Warner
Bros. gather to discuss the fate of my favorite imaginary
girlfriend ever (sorry Dana Scully).

Yes, “Veronica Mars” is on the chopping block.

For the uninitiated viewers, UPN’s “Veronica
Mars” is the story of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed high school
girl named Veronica who deals with typical problems such as grades,
boys, backstabbing and college applications. The catch, however, is
that Veronica’s dad is a private investigator, and Veronica
helps him solve cases and takes on many of her own. These range
from finding out who ran over a friend’s dog to figuring out
who killed her best friend or caused a bus full of low-income
students to crash off a seaside cliff.

The mysteries of Neptune, Calif., where the show takes place,
are so intricate that they manage to outfox even ABC’s
“Lost,” which many believe to be the most complex show
on network television. At any given time in Veronica’s town,
there may be at least 10 different mysteries at play, which are
gradually solved throughout the season. Both seasons have been
built around one big, over-arching mystery that has spawned
numerous smaller ones, and both main mysteries have been expertly
paced and wrapped up in stunning season finales.

Until a few days ago, “Veronica” looked like a lock
for the schedule of the new CW network, which UPN and the WB are
combining to form this fall. There was even talk that the WB had
moved “Gilmore Girls” to Tuesdays at 8 and UPN had
moved “Veronica” to Tuesdays at 9 to see how that
pairing could potentially work.

Then God intervened. Or rather, God’s favorite show.

That’s because a few days ago, the CW shocked analysts,
executives and even the stars of the show when it raised “7th
Heaven” from the dead like the J-man himself. This past
season was billed as “7th Heaven’s” last hurrah,
and its “final episode” actually aired a week ago. Yet
supposedly it will anchor the CW’s schedule once again, as
the new network is desperate for an immediate hit.

Pardon me while I vomit like Linda Blair in “The
Exorcist.” This utterly infuriates me.

If a show like “Veronica Mars,” which is just
starting to really hit its stride, gets bumped off the schedule for
the umpteenth season of the wholesomely God-fearing Camden family
learning valuable lessons like what a Jew is, I’ll probably
really kill someone this time. (I said I’d do it when
“Arrested Development” and “Andy Richter Controls
the Universe” got canceled, but at least that wasn’t
because of the Family Fun God Hour.)

If “7th Heaven” hadn’t already been canceled,
I wouldn’t be as angry, because then its biblical revival
wouldn’t be threatening to push “Veronica” off
the crowded schedule. Yet the fact that this show is the one
potentially being responsible for the death of one of the
best-written shows on television with some of the most
well-developed characters really says a lot. “7th
Heaven” is a show safe from parental watchdog groups and has
a built-in audience already. “Veronica” has almost a
third as many viewers, is barely known beyond critical acclaim and
has fairly edgy storylines. In many ways, “7th Heaven”
is the safe choice for the CW.

Sometimes, however, these networks need to just take a chance
and bite the bullet. As a new network, the CW doesn’t really
have a lot to lose at this point. For years I watched Fox utterly
ruin shows like “Andy Richter,” “Futurama,”
“Action,” “Family Guy” and even almost
“24.” Now that Fox is actually starting to stick with
shows and not move them around to multiple nights, its newer shows
such as “House,” “Bones” and “Prison
Break” are actually succeeding (though the “American
Idol” effect may be more to blame for this).

Potentially, we could lose “Veronica” to an 11th
season of “7th Heaven” in which, after all the major
plotlines have been wrapped up, the writers struggle to come up
with new things for the Camdens to do. Maybe they can win the
lottery a la “Roseanne,” or continue on with the show
after numerous major characters leave, a la “That 70s
Show.”

It’s a shame that truly interesting television may get
shelved in favor of ready-made, wholesome family fare that has
already gone past its expiration date.

Humphrey will be praying for “Veronica Mars”
when the CW announces its schedule on Thursday. E-mail him at
mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.

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