There aren’t many things I like more than free money. And
there aren’t many things I hate more than losing money.
It might seem to you, then, that I should be jumping for joy at
the GOP’s new plan to would dole out $100 checks to American
citizens burdened by high gas prices.
It also might seem to you that rainbows really do have an end,
complete with a pot of gold. In each case, you would be terribly
wrong ““ except for maybe the bit about the rainbow.
What could possibly be wrong with the Republican Party, in a
rare move to give money to people below the highest income
bracket?
The same thing that is wrong with Democrats wanting to abolish
the gas tax for 60 days to lower the cost of gasoline. If you can
overlook the fact that their ideas are completely ineffective,
they’re sort of cute.
The problems with the $100 personal check to consumers are
numerous.
First, $100 is at most three tanks of gas for Barnum &
Bailey’s tiniest clown car, and probably a mere half tank for
owners of the new Military Tank edition of the Hummer, complete
with a fully functioning turret. Second, the check is only one
provision of a bill that would open the Arctic National Wildlife
Refuge in Alaska to oil companies for drilling .
The Democrats, on the other hand, should have tried a little
harder to hide the fact that their plan won’t ultimately
solve the problem of high gas prices. A 60-day suspension of the
gas tax might have an impact at first, but what do they plan to do
after 60 days?
Gas prices are shooting upward, and Republican poll numbers are
plummeting downward. Republicans have to pretend they’re
doing something about the gas problem or they risk taking more
blame.
Democrats like to pretend that if they were in charge, gas
prices would not be increasing, and that angels would be swooping
down from the heavens dropping candy bars.
With this political war over who can come up with the dumbest
mock-solution, the reality of the situation has been lost: Gas
prices are rising, and nothing seems to be stopping them.
“Good Morning America’s” financial
contributor, Mellody Hobson, predicts that $3 will become the new
price floor for gas in the United States. President Bush was
reported as saying high gas prices are a result of growing global
demand. His chief of staff, Josh Bolten, even admitted high gas
prices are “not going to be solved in the short run by some
silver bullet.”
Although the administration apparently sees the truth, they too
must put on a good show for the cash-strapped public. The president
has temporarily relaxed environmental regulations governing gas
production to make gas cheaper for consumers and even worse for the
environment.
This “solution,” however, just aggravates an already
bad situation without solving anything.
Bush is also having the Federal Trade Commission investigate oil
companies to see if they’re price-gouging. The term
“price gouging” has no legal definition, though it
generally means raising the price to an unfair or unreasonable
amount. Prices may seem unreasonable, but these investigations will
turn up nothing because prices are increasing in response to
increasing global demand.
So if we can’t do anything about the rising gas prices,
what will happen to the disgruntled consumers?
Some will be forced to commit the ultimate un-American act
““ trade in their gas-guzzlers for smaller cars, or even
hybrids. Others may even forsake driving altogether at times to use
public transportation ““ or, growing obesity epidemic forbid,
walk to their destination.
Eventually alternative fuel sources will become more economical,
especially because voters who are reluctant to buy gas may increase
pressure on politicians to fund alternatives. Our dependence on oil
may decrease, or even cease altogether.
These changes would benefit our economy, our collective health
as a nation, and the environment.
The bitter truth is that oil is a limited resource. We’re
going to have to wean ourselves from it eventually, so instead of
making a big show about delaying the inevitable, let’s just
make the switch peacefully.
Besides, in the end, becoming oil-independent means more money
for us, the consumers.
Yeah, the environment will be intact and we will be able to
breathe outside without surgical masks. But what’s better
than money?
If you too have spent hours searching for the end of the
sprinkler rainbows on your front lawn, e-mail Strickland at
kstrickland@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.