I got a phone call the other day from a friend who had seen
someone who looked like me on an old “7th Heaven”
episode and asked if I had ever been on TV. I said I had indeed
appeared on television shows during my childhood, specifically
“7th Heaven,” “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
and “King of the Hill.” This got me thinking back even
further to a time when I was in a low-budget, music-themed
television show.
When I was 9, I got a part on a PBS show called
“Kidsongs.” You may recall videos under the same name
that featured kids dancing and singing songs like “Old
McDonald” and “Skip To My Lou,” sort of like Kidz
Bop for sane children.
This show was an extension of those videos, but with a twist
““ the music videos were included, but the premise was that
“Kidsongs” was a show within a show run “by kids
and for kids.”
This meant viewers would see not only the host and hostess, but
also kids playing the parts of various other crew members.
I guess the part that amuses me the most is that when I
initially went to audition for this show, I assumed I would be
singing songs and appearing in music videos.
Instead, it ended up being a lesson in A) why being a cameraman
on a low-budget show is a thankless job, B) how to use smocks
outside of art class, and C) why Vlade Divac sucks.
My time was split between being a cameraman and a stage manager.
I remember enjoying playing stage manager because all I did was
yell at people and scream a countdown. But the most fascinating
part about playing cameraman was querying the actual cameraman
about why an apple box ““ an all-purpose box used on-set not
unlike a milk crate ““ was called an apple box.
(“That’s too dirty to put apples in!” I said.)
Yawn.
The thing I remember most about “Kidsongs,” however,
was that the show was nonunion, which meant it wasn’t
associated with the Screen Actors Guild or the American Federation
of Television and Radio Artists. This meant cutting corners was the
word of the day on “Kidsongs.”
This seemed to be especially true in the wardrobe department.
Now, I’m not complaining about the clothes they gave me to
wear, but they didn’t have an overabundance of stuff in the
closet. This being a tight budget, they resorted to having us wear
smocks when we ate lunch and were wearing our outfits. So pretty
much, you had a bunch of preteen kids sitting around a card table
eating awful pizza and looking like they’re about to
fingerpaint.
Worst of all, though, was the time they strung me along with an
episode about one cast member’s love of basketball. When we
first heard about this episode, we found out it was going to
involve an NBA player, likely a member of the Lakers. Visions of
catching a pass from Nick Van Exel or playing one-on-one with
Cedric Ceballos danced through my impressionable head until the
producers confirmed the guest-starring Laker: Vlade
“Floppy” Divac.
On the day the episode was shot, my mom and I stuck around after
my scenes to wait for Vlade, who was going to shoot his part after
most of the cast and crew had gone home. I remember standing there,
basketball cards in hand for autographs, waiting for Vlade to show
up … and he never did. We waited quite a while before being told
he wasn’t coming, and I went home feeling cheated.
My hopes rose the next day when I found out the producers had
gotten a replacement for Divac, but they came crashing down once
again when I found out the player was a member of the Harlem
Globetrotters. That’s like telling someone he’s going
to meet the fat guy from “Lost” and having a “The
Amazing Race” contestant show up instead.
The Vlade experience was around the time that I began to mail it
in on the show and simply started counting the days until the
experience ended. When it finally did, I can’t say I was sad
to never have to wear a smock to dinner again.
Of course, the experience wasn’t a total loss. It did help
me gain membership to SAG, and, more importantly, it taught me to
always root against any team with Vlade Divac on it. This ended up
serving me well all the way up until he rejoined the Lakers and
they responded by missing the playoffs for the first time in 11
years.
You can bet that wouldn’t have happened if he had appeared
on “Kidsongs.” Karma, especially when it involves
low-quality public television shows for children, can be
trouble.