I wouldn’t mind having an extra five grand in my pocket
““ especially if it doesn’t involve flipping hamburgers
or any form of customer service. And after walking home from Ralphs
and feeling like an awkward actor in a slapstick comedy with a pack
of toilet paper stuffed painfully under my arm, I could definitely
use that money to buy a car.
With that thought in mind, I looked into donating my eggs. Like
everyone else, I too have noticed the ads in the Daily Bruin
““ the ones that are seeking good-looking, intelligent females
of a certain ethnicity to donate their eggs in exchange for a few
thousand dollars.
But I’ve also heard the horror stories ““ that
specifically lower-income women, or women with exceptional resumes
(such as the supermodel who went to Harvard) are targeted; that the
procedure is painful and invasive; that there is risk of permanent
damage due to the hormone treatment and, rarely, death.
Still, the dollar signs lured me on. Though I had yet to see an
ad in the Daily Bruin classifieds looking for an average white
girl, I tried my luck. The only ad that didn’t require me to
be Asian, Spanish or black read: “I want to make a baby. Do
you want to be a Mom? Financing Available. David.” Thanks,
David, but no. I’m looking to donate eggs, not to become a
surrogate mother.
So I tried the Beverly Hills Egg Donation Center, and the first
thing I asked was how much they would pay me. They offered $5,000
““ exactly what I was looking for ““ but the next
sentence intrigued me: “Special fees may be offered to donors
who meet extraordinary standards.” I asked for
elaboration.
“It’s based on Ivy League or other exceptional
academic achievements,” said the woman who answered. I gave
her a long list of academic achievements. The woman told me she
needed to see a transcript, which is when I changed the
subject.
This was all before I read on their Web site that anybody with
an “unhealthy lifestyle,” which included having had
more than one sexual partner in the past six months, was
automatically disqualified. I was offended by their definition of
“unhealthy” and moved on.
Even though donating eggs isn’t as time-consuming as
flipping hamburgers for 40 hours per week, it isn’t a piece
of cake. Once you’re accepted you have to match your
menstrual cycle to that of the recipient’s, which is usually
done using birth control pills. Then you start receiving injections
to stop your ovaries from working. You have to administer these on
a daily basis for about a week. Just as you’re getting sick
of needles you have to start taking a different hormone that
increases your number of mature eggs. Then, finally, your eggs are
harvested by a doctor probing up your vagina with a needle.
All in all, not a pleasant summer job, especially since it
requires abstaining from sex and alcohol consumption throughout the
entire process.
Another Web site features a Donor Database, which is a little
like Facebook, except it includes detailed ethnic heritage and
GPAs. I eagerly perused it to find out what kind of women subjected
themselves to this procedure and discovered, to my amusement, that
most of them were business students.
There’s something a little disturbing about being able to
browse through the profiles of women who are each offering up their
genes for a fee, especially since the first woman looked like every
other blonde who lives on Hilgard Avenue. After seeing the movie
“Gattaca,” I thought this was what so many people were
afraid of when it comes to abortion and gene research ““ gene
selection. Yet it’s obviously happening ““ for a fee, of
course.
My last attempt was The Egg Donor Program. Their well-designed
Web site made me feel like they really knew what they were talking
about until I read on the donor information page: “We call
our donors “˜Angels’ because we realize what a blessing
they are to our recipients.”
Oh, Lord.
These agencies all reported similar risks ““ that
there’s minimal discomfort and no proven long-term effects.
Well, yeah, there wouldn’t be, seeing as egg donation has
only been going on for about 20 years. But if someone has to go so
far as to call me an “angel” to convince me to donate
my eggs, then something is a little fishy.
It’s then that I realized that if I actually went through
with this, there might be some kid out there running around with my
genes. I suppose this thought could creep me out, but it
doesn’t really. I would just like to think that it’s
worth more than $5,000.
My eggs? Priceless.
If you’re willing to offer Loewenstein adequate
compensation for her DNA, e-mail her at
lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.