America has an obsession with pigs. Their pink, pudgy cute
faces, combined with the intoxicating aroma of frying bacon, makes
the little creatures simply irresistible to the general population.
“Babe” grossed over $200 million, and Food Network
viewers nod their heads in agreement every time Emeril Lagasse
screams, “Pork fat rules!”
It comes as no surprise, then, that the Citizens Against
Government Waste reported that the federal government has shared in
our obsession by increasing the amount of “pork-barrel”
spending this year, according to
MarketWatch.com.
What is pork-barrel spending, one might wonder? Unfortunately,
the nonprofit’s “Congressional Pig Book” ““
its annual compilation of the federal government’s
pork-barrel projects ““ has nothing to do with those huggable
hogs we so adore. Instead, it is a comprehensive list of wasteful
legislation, such as a $500,000 project for a teapot museum.
Many citizens and members of Congress are livid about the nearly
10,000 earmarks, as pork-barrel projects are often called, that
were approved in 2006.
Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., said that “earmarks are the
gateway drug to overspending.”
Such harsh words are probably not only a result of the supposed
wastefulness of the projects, but are also attributable to the fact
that the legislation is not called for by the president in his
budget, it is often the request of a single senator, and it is not
always subject to debate.
Is this really such a terrible practice, though? I mean, a
teapot museum is kind of nifty. If you go to the official Web site,
there are all kinds of photographs of different teapot models in
the shapes of people, houses, and other bizarre, acid trip-inspired
creations.
All the pleasure I experienced exploring the museum’s
“truly endless” possibilities online totally distracted
me from the exorbitant amount of money that I and millions of other
college students pay for a college education. It makes sense that
money is being cut from public schools and redirected to such
awesome art.
According to MarketWatch.com, over $13 million went to the
International Fund for Ireland, an organization working to
“promote Ireland’s trade, investment and other
interests, including its culture,” as stated on the
Department of Foreign Affairs Web site. The value of this
particular investment is exceedingly obvious: It improves our image
in the world’s eyes.
Yes, we could seem generous by contributing to stop world
hunger, but this does something much more important ““ it
makes us look strong. By improving the country of Ireland at the
expense of our own, we can say to other nations,
“Debilitating deficit? Ha! What a silly rumor. We’re so
prosperous we just give this green stuff away!”
The $6.4 million that is supporting wood utilization research,
another part of this year’s pork-barrel legislation, will
improve American lives everywhere. After all, wood has so many
uses, I’m sure there are some we don’t know about.
Pencils, buildings and paper will seem outdated compared to the
wooden trains, planes and spaceships of the future.
With such groundbreaking legislation, why is our Congress
passing these laws in the dark of night, instead of singing the
praises of their awesome propositions for all within earshot? It is
time to band together, fellow Americans, and tell our
representatives that they need not be so modest about their great
ideas ““ they deserve the credit.
We could make a friendly competition of it to encourage this
outside-the-box thinking. The state that manages to secure the most
pork-barrel funds should receive a prize ““ the Golden Oink
Award. It could be given to the governor of the winning state at
the end of each year.
Although the ceremony would not be nearly as lengthy as the
Oscars or the Academy Awards, it would draw just as much attention
from the press and secure extra tourism for the state that has
clearly worked the hardest for the additional revenue.
Of course, encouraging this practice will probably increase our
budget problems ““ but it is a small price to pay. Maybe
government buildings will start turning off their lights during
business hours, California-energy-crisis-style, and our student
fees will grow large enough to completely ruin our financial
futures.
But we can’t expect to have our teapot museums and
affordable education too. Sacrifices are needed, and America
understands. Our message to the government: “That’ll
do, pig. That’ll do.”
If you happen to be a tea-drinking Irish carpenter, send
Strickland stories about how pork barrels have impacted your life
at kstrickland@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.