Occasionally people e-mail me to ask specific questions about
their personal sex lives. While a certain number of these are
bored, usually male students with nothing better to do on a Friday
night than to send a drunken e-mail to their resident sex
columnist, some of these questions are worth answering.
And a few of them deserve to be answered so that everyone can
read the response.
This week I’ve decided to address an important question
that appeared in my inbox over winter break:
“My new partner seems to have performance problems. Our
first sexual experience together was disappointing, to say the
least. … Despite the fact we were both in the mood and he seemed
to really want to kick it up a notch, his penis was limp.
I’ve always thought impotence was an elderly affliction, and
with his fleeting erection I kept wondering if it was my
fault.”
This is an issue that I’ve heard numerous complaints about
from various people. Erectile dysfunction, formerly known as
impotence, is more common than you probably think ““ and is
also treatable.
It’s important to understand that situations arise in
which men are either too nervous or are having issues with guilt,
have consumed too much alcohol, are taking some sort of drug such
as an antidepressant, or are simply too tired to hold an
erection.
This even affects young men with seemingly insatiable sexual
appetites and is perfectly normal. It is nothing to be worried
about.
However, there is a difference from the occasional unwanted
celibate night and a recurring problem.
While the former is a perfectly healthy reaction to nerves or
toxins, the second is a physical or psychological issue. Quite a
number of men have this sort of problem ““ between 20 and 49
percent of men between ages 40 and 69 have moderate or complete
erectile dysfunction ““ and as treatment is becoming more
readily available more and more of them are seeking help.
Erectile dysfunction is not an inevitable result of old age.
In older men it does tend to almost always be a physical cause,
so in younger men it may be a psychological problem (about 10-20
percent of cases are psychological), but both can be treated. In
other words, it’s worth seeing a professional if you’re
having repeated problems. Treating erectile dysfunction can be as
easy as giving up smoking, losing excess weight or exercising, or
making sure that any drugs you may be on are not causing any
problems.
If it’s not a physical problem, then the problem may be
due to anxiety about intercourse, and there is psychotherapy
available to help. One way to tell whether the problem is physical
or psychological is whether you have erections in your sleep. If
you do, it’s most likely a psychological problem.
I am a huge advocate of vagina love, sometimes so much so that I
forget to mention how awesome and intricate the penis is. But as
awesome as it is, it’s because of these intricacies that so
many physical problems can develop in relation to achieving and
maintaining an erection.
The most common physical cause of erectile dysfunction is damage
to nerves, arteries, muscle or tissue that are required for
performance in bed. This damage is most often caused by ailments
such as diabetes or neurological disease.
Even a problem related to damage is fixable thanks to drugs and
surgery. I don’t think most of you will be surprised to learn
that Viagra was the first drug made available to treat erectile
dysfunction. Viagra works by relaxing certain smooth muscles in the
penis, allowing blood to flow in. But Viagra only works if you have
some form of sexual stimulation as well.
If you want an instant erection (those pill-type things that
turn into towels when dropped into water come to mind) you should
go for an injection ““ but keep in mind that this can cause
other problems such as scarring and persistent erection. (I
personally can’t imagine injecting something with a needle
into my genital area, but maybe you’re of a different
mind-set.)
Last, there is surgery and the vacuum device. I can’t tell
what the difference is between a vacuum device and a penis pump, so
you should be able to find one easily.
As for surgery, this involves inserting implants, expanding
arteries, or blocking off veins.
Even though I don’t possess a penis, I think it would be
safe to assume that I would try to avoid that treatment at all
costs.
Side effects include infection and that just doesn’t sound
pleasant.
It can be nerve-racking and embarrassing to be unable to
perform, so try and be a little understanding in this sort of
situation. After all, you wouldn’t want someone to judge you
based solely on one failed performance. A little patience (and
perhaps a helping hand) can go a long way.
And besides, erectile dysfunction isn’t the end of the
world.
I asked a few guys whether they’d rather go blind or
impotent. They seemed to all agree that eyesight was a little more
important.
“If I had a long-term loving partner who’d be
willing to take care of me, get me dressed, help me cook, drive me,
and we had sex roughly 10 hours a week, and she was fine with the
decision and supported it, I would choose blindness, but that is
not the case,” said Jeff Gilbert, a student at the University
of Arizona.
Well said.
Loewenstein enjoys people’s embarrassing stories
involving sexual mishaps. E-mail her at
lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu.
Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.