Dear Santa,
I’m writing to you early this year because this is really
important. I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but this is
probably the most important request you’re going to receive
this entire holiday season.
I know you’re usually a stickler about not giving
Christmas presents before Dec. 25, and I respect that, but
there’s really only one thing I want this year. And
I’ve been really good, so please hear me out.
Santa, I want UCLA to beat USC on Dec. 3.
That’s it. That’s all I want.
If you can deliver on this one, Santa, Christmas will come to
Westwood 22 days early.
And it will be glorious. Glorious, Santa! Do you hear me?
Glorious!!
So here’s the deal. I want to prove to you that this
isn’t just some ridiculous, selfish request. There are plenty
of reasons why it just has to happen. It’s for the good of
humanity, really.
So don’t think of this as a gift to me. Think of it as a
gift to the world.
Santa, the evil empire has won 33 straight games. Trojan players
and fans are probably the most arrogant people in the universe.
They deserve a loss even more than we deserve a win. So I’ll
start with those reasons first.
Santa, the Trojans have had their fun. The country is sick of
these people. They’ve won two national titles in two years.
They’re still riding that 33-game streak. They seem to
envision themselves as gods among men, and that’s just not
right.
I haven’t seen much humility radiating from South Central
in the past couple of seasons, and Reggie Bush and the gang deserve
to be unceremoniously knocked off that pedestal.
The frustrating thing, Santa, is that they’ve been so
close to falling on several occasions. There was that game last
season where Cal had four downs inside the USC 10-yard line to
score the winning touchdown and couldn’t do it.
There was the Notre Dame game this year where Pete
Carroll’s bargain with the devil must have been just slightly
more powerful than Touchdown Jesus.
Then there was pesky Fresno State just two weeks ago.
The Trojans don’t believe they can lose, Santa. Trojan
fans don’t believe they can lose, either.
In fact, I was privy to a conversation between three Trojan fans
just the other day. They decided, upon watching Texas struggle in
its victory over Texas A&M, that the Longhorns don’t have
enough defensive speed on the outside to contain Bush, so a third
straight USC national title is pretty much guaranteed.
The last time I checked, USC still had two games to win.
It’s the arrogance, Santa. It’s the sense of
entitlement. It’s the talk about the Trojan Family. In short,
there’s no team in the history of sport that has ever
deserved to lose more than this one.
And to make this gift-giving decision even easier for you, take
a look at the other side.
The 9-1 UCLA football team is the feel-good story of the
year.
This is a team full of character, of heart, of a willingness to
win. These are heart-attack kids who never give up.
This is a team led by senior quarterback Drew Olson, a guy who
has improved about 1,000,000% since last season. It’s hard to
believe it’s the same guy who went down with a torn ACL in
last season’s Las Vegas Bowl loss to Wyoming, but with hard
work and determination, he has led this team to completely
unexpected heights.
The Bruins feature running back Maurice Drew, one of the most
humble and classy guys in the country. When he has a good game, he
credits his teammates. When he has a bad game, he blames
himself.
Then there’s coach Karl Dorrell, who was forced to endure
a lot of heat during his first two seasons in Westwood. Now he has
his players on the eve of the biggest game of their careers, 9-1
and poised to make it 10.
I’ll put it to you in no uncertain terms, Santa. This has
to happen!
So Santa, I will forgive you for never getting me that Power
Wheels that I asked for eight years in a row if you would please
find it in your heart to grant this poor little boy his one
Christmas wish.
Either that, or let Texas beat USC by 50.
Fight off,
Dave
E-mail Regan at dregan@media.ucla.edu.